The bilingual BAMF returns! So I think that any song whose English translation is "She-Wolf" must be pretty epic, and, as I suspected, Shakira did not disappoint. For the past two weeks, I had this 15-second YouTube teaser put out by her record label on repeat. I was worried that the complete, official version would somehow be lacking compared to the version I had finished with my imagination. But "Loba," the Spanish version (English version comes out next week), has all the makings of a successful song: 1) wolf howls, 2) fast-talking pre-choruses, 3) the word "licántropa", 4) a groovy disco bass line. Now just imagine how great the video is going to be? I can tell you one thing: there will be belly dancing!
June 30, 2009
Some Crazy Ladies
These women who I recently started following on Twitter (Don't judge, it's the best) performed at SF Pride this weekend.
BOA!
Important song: "Eat You Up," "I Did It For Love"
Important facts: At just 22 years of age, she is like the Korean Britney Spears. Well-loved, super famous and talented (dancing and singing - at the same time!).
SOLANGE!
Important song: "I Decided," "Sandcastle Disco"
Important facts: Related to Beyoncé but if you mention that to her in an interview she will become an attitude-y biatch.
BOA!
Important song: "Eat You Up," "I Did It For Love"
Important facts: At just 22 years of age, she is like the Korean Britney Spears. Well-loved, super famous and talented (dancing and singing - at the same time!).
SOLANGE!
Important song: "I Decided," "Sandcastle Disco"
Important facts: Related to Beyoncé but if you mention that to her in an interview she will become an attitude-y biatch.
An Open Letter
Dear Britney Spears,
I like your song "Radar." I may or may not have named my high school newspaper after it. Even though I question the identity of who actually sang those vocals and believe you had a little date with the auto-tune (making you sound like a robot wasn't just for kicks), I think you are capable of carrying a tune live. I also think you can dance pretty well when you feel like it. But I have to say, your new music video is not exactly what I was looking forward to seeing. Ignoring all the Equus-style horse imagery going on, you look pretty hot in the video. Like, If-U-Seek-Amy hot.
But why couldn't your video have more of this?
Yours truly,
Nolan
I like your song "Radar." I may or may not have named my high school newspaper after it. Even though I question the identity of who actually sang those vocals and believe you had a little date with the auto-tune (making you sound like a robot wasn't just for kicks), I think you are capable of carrying a tune live. I also think you can dance pretty well when you feel like it. But I have to say, your new music video is not exactly what I was looking forward to seeing. Ignoring all the Equus-style horse imagery going on, you look pretty hot in the video. Like, If-U-Seek-Amy hot.
But why couldn't your video have more of this?
Yours truly,
Nolan
June 4, 2009
Silly Boys and Dumb Pop Stars
We all know our girl Rihanna has had some tough times lately. Shame on you, Chris Brown. So it is only natural that her career needs a great, It's-Britney-Bitch moment where she looks all hot and fabulous and turns all this negative hype into positive hype. Although "Gimme More" didn't quite work out for Britters the way we hoped, this song, "Silly Boy," might actually do the trick for Princess RiRi.
This song popped up ago on the Internet a few weeks ago with rumors circling that it was a Chris Brown dis-trick performed by Lady Gaga and Rihanna. Lady Gaga went on the record (via Kanye West's blog) to say that she doesn't have anything to do with the song. Rihanna also took to K-Dub's blog to say that it wasn't her singing, but it doesn't rule out the possibility that it might be her song in the future. There's no doubt that it's a demo track with someone else doing the vocal reference, but if I were Rihanna's A&R rep (which I totally should be; RiRi and I can be BFFs) I would use all my resources to make sure this song is hers and hers only. It's like "Breaking Dishes 2.0" with a little bit of "Disturbia."
Having Lady Gaga on the track is nice for promotional reasons, since she's blowing up on the charts right now and her appearance will only raise the fierceness terror alert of this song to orange, but I would prefer that Rihanna tell the story herself. It'd be like inviting Sasha Fierce to share the track. Sasha Fierce doesn't share (duh), and Rihanna is fully capable of owning the moment. Like "Umbrella," which Rihanna did all on her own, thank you very much.
Fun fact: Both Ms. Spears and Mary J. Blige were offered "Umbrella" before Rihanna was, but both turned it down (stupid). "S.O.S." was also originally given to Christina Milian, but she turned it down as well (double stupid). And even though she's not an R&B dance diva, Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up" was originally written and performed by Katy Perry. But I guess you can't really get away with a song like that after you've already made it clear you actually do hook up.
Also, for giggles, here's Gaga being 200% over-the-top. She lost points for calling the journalist ridiculous. Gaga, you are the ridiculous one. From your fake-ass wig to your British accent. I love you dearly, but seriously. I'm on to you.
And if it's possible for things to get even more ridiculous, here is Gaga's video for "Paparazzi." The wheelchair part will probably push somebody's buttons because it's so weird and, you know, wheelchairs are sensitive topics, but it's actually kinda scary once she gets out of it and starts to do her weird robot walk. Also, note the cone-head action at the end of the video.
This song popped up ago on the Internet a few weeks ago with rumors circling that it was a Chris Brown dis-trick performed by Lady Gaga and Rihanna. Lady Gaga went on the record (via Kanye West's blog) to say that she doesn't have anything to do with the song. Rihanna also took to K-Dub's blog to say that it wasn't her singing, but it doesn't rule out the possibility that it might be her song in the future. There's no doubt that it's a demo track with someone else doing the vocal reference, but if I were Rihanna's A&R rep (which I totally should be; RiRi and I can be BFFs) I would use all my resources to make sure this song is hers and hers only. It's like "Breaking Dishes 2.0" with a little bit of "Disturbia."
Having Lady Gaga on the track is nice for promotional reasons, since she's blowing up on the charts right now and her appearance will only raise the fierceness terror alert of this song to orange, but I would prefer that Rihanna tell the story herself. It'd be like inviting Sasha Fierce to share the track. Sasha Fierce doesn't share (duh), and Rihanna is fully capable of owning the moment. Like "Umbrella," which Rihanna did all on her own, thank you very much.
Fun fact: Both Ms. Spears and Mary J. Blige were offered "Umbrella" before Rihanna was, but both turned it down (stupid). "S.O.S." was also originally given to Christina Milian, but she turned it down as well (double stupid). And even though she's not an R&B dance diva, Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up" was originally written and performed by Katy Perry. But I guess you can't really get away with a song like that after you've already made it clear you actually do hook up.
Also, for giggles, here's Gaga being 200% over-the-top. She lost points for calling the journalist ridiculous. Gaga, you are the ridiculous one. From your fake-ass wig to your British accent. I love you dearly, but seriously. I'm on to you.
And if it's possible for things to get even more ridiculous, here is Gaga's video for "Paparazzi." The wheelchair part will probably push somebody's buttons because it's so weird and, you know, wheelchairs are sensitive topics, but it's actually kinda scary once she gets out of it and starts to do her weird robot walk. Also, note the cone-head action at the end of the video.
May 1, 2009
S-O-VVVVVVVVVVVV
Lady Sovereign came out with a new album the other day, and I totally forgot about it. In terms of my radar for crazy white chicks who rap ('sup Amanda Blank), Lady Sov sorta lost it. I think her debut album, Public Warning, ended up being a bit of a let down. "Love Me Or Hate Me" shows off her sense of humor pretty well, but for most of her older fans (from before she had plans for America), I think the record was underwhelming. I usually just listen to the remix to hear Missy Elliott jump in around 30 seconds with the line, "I ride a range rover / bitch move over." Speaking of Missy, where the hell is Block Party? I've been waiting for that album for months. But her label isn't doing anything to put it on record store shelves any time soon.
Anyway, back to Sov, her new album, Jigsaw is much better than the last one. It seems less intent on being hyper-grimey like the first one, and I think it suits her better. She's a weird kid, and she needs to embrace that weirdness. The title track has guitars in it! That's so ungrimey, but it's one of my favorites of hers. It definitely deserves the title-track status, even if it's about feeling heartbroken and completely wasted.
The first single, "So Human," samples The Cure, and the only reason I feel compelled to mention that is that every other press release seems to do it. But I don't see why it's so important to point it -- I wouldn't have noticed. Then again, I'm not up on my Cure like I should be. Regardless, it's a bouncy little pop number. And I like it when pop and rap collide and make beautiful music together! People have this cuh-raaaaaazy idea that the two are somehow incompatible. What's up with that?
Also, back to crazy white girls who can rap -- remember my shout out to Amanda Blank? Her album, I Love You, is coming out July 14th! She's been working on this for like two years, and I've been waiting along with her for most of that time. I've been a fan of Amanda ever since I heard her AMAZING guest appearance on Spank Rock's "Bump." Be warned, that song is kinda filthy. But she kills it when she shows up around three minutes in! Just when you think she's going to stop, she speeds it up. And best of all, she can actually do the entire rap live. She gets a bit out of breath by the end, but seriously, there's no studio magic here.
Anyway, her first single is the skanky-licious "Might Like You Better." The "I might like you better if we slept together" is sampled, too, but I don't know from where. I could look it up, but senioritis is getting to me, even on this blog.
Honorable Amanda Blank mentions: 1) Her remix of Santigold's "I'm A Lady" and 2) this snippet of her unreleased song "Make It Take It."
I probably should mention Uffie. She is kind of a brat, and even though "Pop The Glock" is great, she's milking the Parisian house sound to death and it's starting to get old. Uffie, bring the fiyaaaaah. I know you have it in you. Also, don't dye your hair blonde anymore. You look like a washed up Lindsay Lohan, and that's not good. Remember when you used to look like this? That song, by the way, is "Ttthhhee Ppaarrttyy". Yes, it's annoying to type, but not as annoying as it is to try and track down a live version of the song. The live remix Justice plays at all their shows is killer and hope I can experience that one day.
Anyway, back to Sov, her new album, Jigsaw is much better than the last one. It seems less intent on being hyper-grimey like the first one, and I think it suits her better. She's a weird kid, and she needs to embrace that weirdness. The title track has guitars in it! That's so ungrimey, but it's one of my favorites of hers. It definitely deserves the title-track status, even if it's about feeling heartbroken and completely wasted.
The first single, "So Human," samples The Cure, and the only reason I feel compelled to mention that is that every other press release seems to do it. But I don't see why it's so important to point it -- I wouldn't have noticed. Then again, I'm not up on my Cure like I should be. Regardless, it's a bouncy little pop number. And I like it when pop and rap collide and make beautiful music together! People have this cuh-raaaaaazy idea that the two are somehow incompatible. What's up with that?
Also, back to crazy white girls who can rap -- remember my shout out to Amanda Blank? Her album, I Love You, is coming out July 14th! She's been working on this for like two years, and I've been waiting along with her for most of that time. I've been a fan of Amanda ever since I heard her AMAZING guest appearance on Spank Rock's "Bump." Be warned, that song is kinda filthy. But she kills it when she shows up around three minutes in! Just when you think she's going to stop, she speeds it up. And best of all, she can actually do the entire rap live. She gets a bit out of breath by the end, but seriously, there's no studio magic here.
Anyway, her first single is the skanky-licious "Might Like You Better." The "I might like you better if we slept together" is sampled, too, but I don't know from where. I could look it up, but senioritis is getting to me, even on this blog.
Honorable Amanda Blank mentions: 1) Her remix of Santigold's "I'm A Lady" and 2) this snippet of her unreleased song "Make It Take It."
I probably should mention Uffie. She is kind of a brat, and even though "Pop The Glock" is great, she's milking the Parisian house sound to death and it's starting to get old. Uffie, bring the fiyaaaaah. I know you have it in you. Also, don't dye your hair blonde anymore. You look like a washed up Lindsay Lohan, and that's not good. Remember when you used to look like this? That song, by the way, is "Ttthhhee Ppaarrttyy". Yes, it's annoying to type, but not as annoying as it is to try and track down a live version of the song. The live remix Justice plays at all their shows is killer and hope I can experience that one day.
April 18, 2009
I Don't Care
This technically has nothing to do with pop music, although I think this band has all the element of good pop songs: clever lyrics, catchy melodies, addicting hooks. All the sweet stuff.
But alas, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
THE HOT IQs, my favorite band from Denver, CO, is breaking up.
Two days ago they posted their farewell notice on their MySpace. Of course I still have an EP and a CD worth of material to enjoy, but this means I will never see them in concert ever again. I only had the pleasure of catching half of their opening set at a Northern State and Tegan & Sara show. I remember talking to the drummer, Elaine Acosta, and she was the sweetest person ever. She got the whole band to sign my CD, and asked me if I was a college student (they were playing at UC Berkeley). I told her I was a freshman in high school and she told me that I was really grown up and that I was a cool kid or something like that. Meeting bands doesn't happen very often, and it wasn't like we swapped stories about our life or anything. It was brief, but I always enjoy it when bands hang out at their merch table after their set to meet their fans. It always makes my day.
Also, last time I checked, they were halfway through recording their second album, which I guess is never going to see the light of day. That grinds my gears. Shucks.
Anyways, in tribute:
But alas, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
THE HOT IQs, my favorite band from Denver, CO, is breaking up.
Two days ago they posted their farewell notice on their MySpace. Of course I still have an EP and a CD worth of material to enjoy, but this means I will never see them in concert ever again. I only had the pleasure of catching half of their opening set at a Northern State and Tegan & Sara show. I remember talking to the drummer, Elaine Acosta, and she was the sweetest person ever. She got the whole band to sign my CD, and asked me if I was a college student (they were playing at UC Berkeley). I told her I was a freshman in high school and she told me that I was really grown up and that I was a cool kid or something like that. Meeting bands doesn't happen very often, and it wasn't like we swapped stories about our life or anything. It was brief, but I always enjoy it when bands hang out at their merch table after their set to meet their fans. It always makes my day.
Also, last time I checked, they were halfway through recording their second album, which I guess is never going to see the light of day. That grinds my gears. Shucks.
Anyways, in tribute:
April 8, 2009
May the 4th Be With You
Get your dancing shoes on because we are going to party with Peaches.
"I Feel Cream" is the first single and title track off of her upcoming fourth album, due May 4th. It's a doozy on the dance floor, despite being a little un-Peachy. For one thing, it's pretty slick: no distorted bass synths, stuttering drum machines. And even though it has the word "cream" in the title, it's fairly PG as far as her past material is concerned. No sex rap? What is this, Kylie Minogue?
Fans who fear might our dear Merrill Nisker might be making a Yeah Yeah YeahsIt's Blitz kind of move need not worry. "More" and "Talk To Me," both of which are currently on her MySpace are more of what listeners have come to expect.
I FEEL CREAM - May 4th
1. Serpentine
2. Talk To Me
3. Lose You
4. More
5. Billionaire
6. I Feel Cream
7. Trick Or Treat
8. Show Stopper
9. Mommy Complex
10. Mud
11. Relax
12. Take You On
The track list, like "I Feel Cream," might be a little toned down compared to the track listing of her last album, 2006's Impeach My Bush, but inclusion of "Mommy Complex" leads me to believe that we'll still get the same freak we've come to know and love.
(Vanessa, you'll hate me for making this association, but does this song remind anybody else of Britney's "Trouble?")
"I Feel Cream" is the first single and title track off of her upcoming fourth album, due May 4th. It's a doozy on the dance floor, despite being a little un-Peachy. For one thing, it's pretty slick: no distorted bass synths, stuttering drum machines. And even though it has the word "cream" in the title, it's fairly PG as far as her past material is concerned. No sex rap? What is this, Kylie Minogue?
Fans who fear might our dear Merrill Nisker might be making a Yeah Yeah YeahsIt's Blitz kind of move need not worry. "More" and "Talk To Me," both of which are currently on her MySpace are more of what listeners have come to expect.
I FEEL CREAM - May 4th
1. Serpentine
2. Talk To Me
3. Lose You
4. More
5. Billionaire
6. I Feel Cream
7. Trick Or Treat
8. Show Stopper
9. Mommy Complex
10. Mud
11. Relax
12. Take You On
The track list, like "I Feel Cream," might be a little toned down compared to the track listing of her last album, 2006's Impeach My Bush, but inclusion of "Mommy Complex" leads me to believe that we'll still get the same freak we've come to know and love.
(Vanessa, you'll hate me for making this association, but does this song remind anybody else of Britney's "Trouble?")
March 27, 2009
Maybe I'm crazy for noticing this
This is her normal voice, as far as I know. It's one of my favorite interviews with her, because it sounds like she works really hard and has some cool ideas, despite a little to moderate amounts of pretension. But she has a good attitude, mostly. Even if it is 100% ridiculous.
But then sometimes she pulls out a fake Australian accent. Don't know who she's trying to fool with this one, but she only does it in Australia. I wonder what goes on inside her head.
Now here she is as a fembot. Let me tell you, I watch a lot of Lady GaGa interviews, and I've noticed that very recently she's started doing interviews in this high-pitched, unenthusiastic voice. It's slightly unsettling, but compared to the first video, it's also a little uninteresting. I'm not going to lie, I don't really like this new GaGa.
I really don't like the DJ in that interview. Who says black guys can't like Lady GaGa? Besides, he sounds like he took a hit of speed before he talked to her.
But then sometimes she pulls out a fake Australian accent. Don't know who she's trying to fool with this one, but she only does it in Australia. I wonder what goes on inside her head.
Now here she is as a fembot. Let me tell you, I watch a lot of Lady GaGa interviews, and I've noticed that very recently she's started doing interviews in this high-pitched, unenthusiastic voice. It's slightly unsettling, but compared to the first video, it's also a little uninteresting. I'm not going to lie, I don't really like this new GaGa.
I really don't like the DJ in that interview. Who says black guys can't like Lady GaGa? Besides, he sounds like he took a hit of speed before he talked to her.
March 14, 2009
Haha hehe haha ho
If you don't know by now, "If U Seek Amy," the third single off the certified-platinum album #6, Circus, basically spells out "F.U.C.K. Me." It's not everyday that Britney could get away with releasing a video like this. She sure is looking great these days -- remember when she was more like this? I think it's safe to say nobody wanted to Seek her back then.
She's been rehearsing enough for her tour now that the awkward, unflattering choreography designed to ease her back in to a life of gyrations and stripper poles is now a bit below her. Her team might have edited "Womanizer" to make it look more like she did more dancing than she was perhaps capable of, but I think she's ready for her next "Me Against the Music."
You really have to love the newscaster bit -- especially with the final line, "It doesn't make any sense, does it?" There's really nothing about this video that makes much sense. In what is essentially a strip-tease in reverse, Britney rolls out of bed after a night of assumed debauchery, prances around in a corset three sizes too small, and then magically turns into a a Stepford wife before going out to greet the paparazi. Is Amy the skanky Britney? Or is Amy the pie-baking Barbie doll? Does everybody want to see the goodie-two-shoes or are we all after the freak?
Damn. Who Britney was capable of such hardcore literary analysis?
The best part, though, is when Stepford Britney picks up the pie, smells it, winks, and dives right back into singing about how everybody wants to do her. You can't direct or edit that type of stuff in -- that's a pro at work. Makes sense, considering the video treatment was all her idea. Honestly, though, I think this video had the potential for some serious United-States-of-Tara action. Looking hot and dancing provocatively isn't particular groundbreaking.
(P.S. Those shoes set off the fierce alarm.)
March 13, 2009
...and this is my haus.
Can anybody exlpain how this song managed to get skipped over for The Fame?
A few of you might recognize this track from her short film, The Fame, Part One. Normally I'd say this song would leak any day now, but something tells me Gaga keeps this one locked up in diamond safe overseas. Anyway, while the whole piano shtick is hardly new at this point, she's rarely been this growly or this shouty. Even under the most superficial sugar exteriors, there is a riot grrrl inside us all. Hah, just kidding. Riot grrls would disown the movement if it involved doing half the things she did on stage. And this is after she gave up using hair spray and lighters to set leopard-print G-strings on fire.
(Have to say though, her new hair is looking a little Gwen circa December 2006.)
Oh, and did you hear? She's going on tour! Sorry to break hearts out there, but I've found out the hard way that a lot of these shows are 21+. Fooled me again!
THE FAME BALL TOUR
March 12, 2009 - San Diego, United States House of Blues
March 13, 2009 - Los Angeles, Wiltern Theatre
March 14, 2009 - San Francisco, Mezzanine
March 16, 2009 - Seattle, Showbox at the Market
March 17, 2009 - Portland, Wonder Ballroom
March 18, 2009 - Vancouver, Canada Commodore Ballroom
March 21, 2009 - Denver, Gothic Theater
March 23, 2009 - Minneapolis, Fine Line Music Cafe
March 24, 2009 - Chicago, House of Blues
March 25, 2009 - Royal Oak, Royal Oak Music Theatre
March 26, 2009 - Kitchener, Canada Elements Nightclub
March 27, 2009 - Ottawa, Bronson Centre
March 28, 2009 - Montreal, Metropolis
March 30, 2009 - Boston, House of Blues
March 31, 2009 - New York, Terminal 5
April 1, 2009 - Philadelphia, Electric Factory
April 2, 2009 - D.C., 9:30 Club
April 3, 2009 - Richmond, Toad's Place
April 6, 2009 - Orlando, House of Blues
April 7, 2009 - Tampa, The Ritz Ybor
April 8, 2009 - Ft. Lauderdale, Revolution
April 9, 2009 - Atlanta, Center Stage
April 11, 2009 - Palm Springs, Palm Springs Convention Center
Here's a clip from opening night (all the flashing lights remind me of my Pokémon -- someone's going to seize up in those strobe lights:
Personally, I can't wait until she has enough money to afford an arena tour like this (that would give Madonna a run for her money, although nothing can top this):
A few of you might recognize this track from her short film, The Fame, Part One. Normally I'd say this song would leak any day now, but something tells me Gaga keeps this one locked up in diamond safe overseas. Anyway, while the whole piano shtick is hardly new at this point, she's rarely been this growly or this shouty. Even under the most superficial sugar exteriors, there is a riot grrrl inside us all. Hah, just kidding. Riot grrls would disown the movement if it involved doing half the things she did on stage. And this is after she gave up using hair spray and lighters to set leopard-print G-strings on fire.
(Have to say though, her new hair is looking a little Gwen circa December 2006.)
Oh, and did you hear? She's going on tour! Sorry to break hearts out there, but I've found out the hard way that a lot of these shows are 21+. Fooled me again!
THE FAME BALL TOUR
March 12, 2009 - San Diego, United States House of Blues
March 13, 2009 - Los Angeles, Wiltern Theatre
March 14, 2009 - San Francisco, Mezzanine
March 16, 2009 - Seattle, Showbox at the Market
March 17, 2009 - Portland, Wonder Ballroom
March 18, 2009 - Vancouver, Canada Commodore Ballroom
March 21, 2009 - Denver, Gothic Theater
March 23, 2009 - Minneapolis, Fine Line Music Cafe
March 24, 2009 - Chicago, House of Blues
March 25, 2009 - Royal Oak, Royal Oak Music Theatre
March 26, 2009 - Kitchener, Canada Elements Nightclub
March 27, 2009 - Ottawa, Bronson Centre
March 28, 2009 - Montreal, Metropolis
March 30, 2009 - Boston, House of Blues
March 31, 2009 - New York, Terminal 5
April 1, 2009 - Philadelphia, Electric Factory
April 2, 2009 - D.C., 9:30 Club
April 3, 2009 - Richmond, Toad's Place
April 6, 2009 - Orlando, House of Blues
April 7, 2009 - Tampa, The Ritz Ybor
April 8, 2009 - Ft. Lauderdale, Revolution
April 9, 2009 - Atlanta, Center Stage
April 11, 2009 - Palm Springs, Palm Springs Convention Center
Here's a clip from opening night (all the flashing lights remind me of my Pokémon -- someone's going to seize up in those strobe lights:
Personally, I can't wait until she has enough money to afford an arena tour like this (that would give Madonna a run for her money, although nothing can top this):
March 8, 2009
She's back!
I told myself I wouldn't peak, but I couldn't help myself. I looked, I liked, and I don't know where to begin? The sex hair? The inflatable hammers? The fact that she's smiling? I have some issues with the choreography -- I think some parts are less than flattering -- but I would play Whack-A-Mole with her any day.
March 7, 2009
Divas Gettin' Money, Round 2
Remember when I told you that creativity was dead? I forgot to add Ciara to the list of perpetrators.
Spending my Friday night on Wikipedia as per usual, I happened to stumble upon this little blurb about Ciara's upcoming album: "Fantasy Ride introduces Ciara's comic book character, Super C. Ciara said that Super C is a character she becomes when she performs onstage and in her music videos. The Super C character is set to become a major factor in Fantasy Ride promotion. She is a futuristic superhero-esque Ciara, based on the robotic character Ciara portrayed in the "Go Girl" music video."
Does that ring any bells?
SASHA FIERCE. Duh.
Having an R&B alter ego is sooooo 2008. Ciara could just name her album "I Follow Trends" and nobody would notice. I don't care if Ciara spent over nine months designing the artwork with comic artist Bernard Chang -- rule number one in pop music is that it doesn't matter when you start something, the only thing that counts is when you show it to people. I am sure the idea for "Super C" was perhaps the only lightbulb that has ever gone off inside her head that her record label would actually pay for.
But seriously, this has Sasha Fierce written all over it. Just compare her space robot costume in "Go Girl" to Sasha's outfit in "Diva." Yeah, the music video came out in October, a little bit before I Am Sasha Fierce hit shelves. But A) Super C had yet to be unveiled and B) I actually bought the Sasha Fierce album. Ciara doesn't even have a release date.
Which brings me to the number two rule in pop music: rule number one can be overruled if your song is totally boss. Besides the whole not-having-a-release-date-because-your-single-sucks piece of evidence, you can also look at Ciara's oh-so-entertaining cover of Sasha Fierce's "Diva." That's the straw that broke the camel's back, where the camel is Ciara's credibility.
I actually had a glimmer of hope for Ciara when I heard the next single off the album, "Never Ever," which features Young Jeezy, who apparently is still relevant. This is a slow song that actually sounded good enough for me to shell out a dollar on iTunes.
Then I found out the entire chorus is sampled from this song. Epic fail.
While Ciara searches for a release date I'm happy to report that Keri Hilson finally got one! What's her secret, you might ask? Well, for you and Ciara's information, she wrote a song that didn't suck and was completely original. That's hard to come by these days, isn't it?
Here's the tracklisting for In A Perfect World, which drops on the 24th of this month:
1. In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin Me On (featuring Lil Wayne)
3. Get Your Money Up (featuring Keyshia Cole & Trina)
4. Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
5. Knock You Down (featuring Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
6. Slow Dance
7. Make Love
8. Intuition
9. How Does It Feel?
10. Hey Girl (featuring T-Pain & Lil Jon)
11. Alienated
12. Tell Him the Truth
13. Change Me (featuring Akon)
14. Energy
15. Where Did He Go
I managed to get my hands on a little sampler of the album. "Slow Dance" is basically what a well-written Ciara slow song would look like if it existed and if Ciara could sing better. I'm pretty positive "Change Me" is a re-titled version of the leaked version of "Mic Check," and "Knock You Down" is a cheerful, bouncy synth-jam. Good for spring, no? "Alienated," an album highlight, is a total space jam in the best way possible. Can't wait.
Spending my Friday night on Wikipedia as per usual, I happened to stumble upon this little blurb about Ciara's upcoming album: "Fantasy Ride introduces Ciara's comic book character, Super C. Ciara said that Super C is a character she becomes when she performs onstage and in her music videos. The Super C character is set to become a major factor in Fantasy Ride promotion. She is a futuristic superhero-esque Ciara, based on the robotic character Ciara portrayed in the "Go Girl" music video."
Does that ring any bells?
SASHA FIERCE. Duh.
Having an R&B alter ego is sooooo 2008. Ciara could just name her album "I Follow Trends" and nobody would notice. I don't care if Ciara spent over nine months designing the artwork with comic artist Bernard Chang -- rule number one in pop music is that it doesn't matter when you start something, the only thing that counts is when you show it to people. I am sure the idea for "Super C" was perhaps the only lightbulb that has ever gone off inside her head that her record label would actually pay for.
But seriously, this has Sasha Fierce written all over it. Just compare her space robot costume in "Go Girl" to Sasha's outfit in "Diva." Yeah, the music video came out in October, a little bit before I Am Sasha Fierce hit shelves. But A) Super C had yet to be unveiled and B) I actually bought the Sasha Fierce album. Ciara doesn't even have a release date.
Which brings me to the number two rule in pop music: rule number one can be overruled if your song is totally boss. Besides the whole not-having-a-release-date-because-your-single-sucks piece of evidence, you can also look at Ciara's oh-so-entertaining cover of Sasha Fierce's "Diva." That's the straw that broke the camel's back, where the camel is Ciara's credibility.
I actually had a glimmer of hope for Ciara when I heard the next single off the album, "Never Ever," which features Young Jeezy, who apparently is still relevant. This is a slow song that actually sounded good enough for me to shell out a dollar on iTunes.
Then I found out the entire chorus is sampled from this song. Epic fail.
While Ciara searches for a release date I'm happy to report that Keri Hilson finally got one! What's her secret, you might ask? Well, for you and Ciara's information, she wrote a song that didn't suck and was completely original. That's hard to come by these days, isn't it?
Here's the tracklisting for In A Perfect World, which drops on the 24th of this month:
1. In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin Me On (featuring Lil Wayne)
3. Get Your Money Up (featuring Keyshia Cole & Trina)
4. Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
5. Knock You Down (featuring Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
6. Slow Dance
7. Make Love
8. Intuition
9. How Does It Feel?
10. Hey Girl (featuring T-Pain & Lil Jon)
11. Alienated
12. Tell Him the Truth
13. Change Me (featuring Akon)
14. Energy
15. Where Did He Go
I managed to get my hands on a little sampler of the album. "Slow Dance" is basically what a well-written Ciara slow song would look like if it existed and if Ciara could sing better. I'm pretty positive "Change Me" is a re-titled version of the leaked version of "Mic Check," and "Knock You Down" is a cheerful, bouncy synth-jam. Good for spring, no? "Alienated," an album highlight, is a total space jam in the best way possible. Can't wait.
Boom Boom No.
The Black Eyed Peas are back -- did you miss them? While I'm trying to figure out how to answer that question, I'm going to just go ahead and say that their new song "Boom Boom Pow" is a hot tranny mess.
If you haven't guessed by the title, will.i.am's hip hop vocabulary is slowly regressing into that of a toddler's. I'm sure their next song will be something like "Goo gaga" where he'll just moan and dream of slobbering all over his baby food jars. That's a little harsh, but seriously, this track and his lyrics are so half-assed that even Fergie-haters will be glad to hear Fergie pop up 45-seconds in and save the song with her "I'm so 3008 / you so 2000-and-late" lyric that is so laughable you can't help but enjoy it, kinda like her solo career. The song kinda spaces out a couple minutes into it's 4:13 running time, and while that sounds promising in theory, let me assure you, it is no Planet Rock.
Auto-tune shows up again. I think I've said enough about how I feel about autotune, but seriously, when the Black Eyed Peas start copying T-Pain, you better raise the terror alert of pop as high as it can go. Auto-tune makes Fergie sounds worse than she is! It's injustices like these that make it hard to remember their glory days. Songs like "Hey Mama," as dated as it sounds, was pretty out there (in a good way) for 2003.
Speaking of auto-tune, have you heard about Lil Wayne's rock album? It's batshit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix's attempt at a rap career. But I actually don't mind the auto-tune on this part, mainly because Lil Wayne is making a real rock album (with real drums!), and that deserves some redeeming brownie points, right? He doesn't really rap or sing, he kind of just talks aimlessly like he just finished his morning bowl of frosted flakes and cough syrup. It's a bit endearing, like feeding your dog peanut butter and watching it lick its face for ever.
If you haven't guessed by the title, will.i.am's hip hop vocabulary is slowly regressing into that of a toddler's. I'm sure their next song will be something like "Goo gaga" where he'll just moan and dream of slobbering all over his baby food jars. That's a little harsh, but seriously, this track and his lyrics are so half-assed that even Fergie-haters will be glad to hear Fergie pop up 45-seconds in and save the song with her "I'm so 3008 / you so 2000-and-late" lyric that is so laughable you can't help but enjoy it, kinda like her solo career. The song kinda spaces out a couple minutes into it's 4:13 running time, and while that sounds promising in theory, let me assure you, it is no Planet Rock.
Auto-tune shows up again. I think I've said enough about how I feel about autotune, but seriously, when the Black Eyed Peas start copying T-Pain, you better raise the terror alert of pop as high as it can go. Auto-tune makes Fergie sounds worse than she is! It's injustices like these that make it hard to remember their glory days. Songs like "Hey Mama," as dated as it sounds, was pretty out there (in a good way) for 2003.
Speaking of auto-tune, have you heard about Lil Wayne's rock album? It's batshit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix's attempt at a rap career. But I actually don't mind the auto-tune on this part, mainly because Lil Wayne is making a real rock album (with real drums!), and that deserves some redeeming brownie points, right? He doesn't really rap or sing, he kind of just talks aimlessly like he just finished his morning bowl of frosted flakes and cough syrup. It's a bit endearing, like feeding your dog peanut butter and watching it lick its face for ever.
February 22, 2009
Everybody's Doing It
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have been filling up their pop quota quite a bit lately, which is great because if there's two things I love in the world, they would certainly be pop music and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. For some fans of Karen O. & Co., the prominent use of synthesizer in the trio's batch of new songs from the upcoming album, It's Blitz, is some what blasphemous, much like attending a Britney Spears concert on Easter Sunday (which I totally will be doing). But honestly, there's no other way we'd rather celebrate.
Lead single "Zero" was a little underwhelming, since it sounds a bit like an out-of-place YouTube mash-up (and any Goldfrapp comparisons are just people being lazy -- there are other electro-rock dance bands out there, FYI) and takes a bit too long to get the party started (dance music requires party-starting capabilities). But the next leaked track, "Heads Will Roll" is a significant improvement. While "Zero" had weird stuttering feedback-y synthesizers, the instruments on "Heads Will Roll" comfortably exist between a Killers remix album and a Halloween garage rave. Too bad Halloween seems as far away as the YYY album release date (April 14th).
Karen O. also made an appearance on the new N.A.S.A. album, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering Squeak E. Clean, one half of N.A.S.A. and sibling of director Spike Jonez (who directed YYY's "Y Control" video) also produced the band's 2006 disc, Show Your Bones.
I'm not quite sure why N.A.S.A. hasn't been sued yet by the real National Aeronautics and Space Administration yet, but in the meantime, the new N.A.S.A. (North America South America) has just dropped, without much warning or little publicity, their debut release, the Spirit of Apollo.
The album sounds a bit like the noise made when my head explodes, because when you put CSS's Lovefoxx and bad-ass MC Amanda Blank one track, that's usually what happens. Although you can barely hear Lovefoxxx on that song, "A Volta," there are plenty of other name-dropping collaborations (Tom Waits, the Cool Kids, E-40, Method Man, and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, just to name a few) to let your jaw hit the floor.
"Wachadoin?" managed to cram the ever-nasty Spank Rock, new mom M.I.A., YYY guitarist Nick Zinner, and the recently legal-troubled Santigold onto one track. Before you run to the comment box to correct me on my spelling, you should know that the legal musical entity Santogold is no longer in existence, and if you need any proof, just park yourself over at her old MySpace. Somebody on Stereogum, which kept me up-to-date on the all the legal junk, said it best when he or she described the incident as "bad news for audio scrobblers." Something tells me that's the least of Ms. Santi's worries right now, though.
Anyway, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Santogold also shows up with Kanye West and Lykki Li on "Gifted," which is another boss cut of epic startstruck proportions. I'm telling you, the N.A.S.A. collective is going to infiltrate pop music. M.I.A.'s rhymes in "Paper Planes" were already sampled ad nauseum in the Kanye/Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne jam "Swagga Like Us," and Santi's line from "Shove It" gets a lot of air time in Jay-Z's contribution to the Notorious Soundtrack, "Brooklyn We Go Hard." I guess it's not that special when you notice that Kanye produced both tracks, but this type of thing gets me excited. Now all we need are the Amanda Blank and Kid Sister albums to drop and we'll be good to go.
Lead single "Zero" was a little underwhelming, since it sounds a bit like an out-of-place YouTube mash-up (and any Goldfrapp comparisons are just people being lazy -- there are other electro-rock dance bands out there, FYI) and takes a bit too long to get the party started (dance music requires party-starting capabilities). But the next leaked track, "Heads Will Roll" is a significant improvement. While "Zero" had weird stuttering feedback-y synthesizers, the instruments on "Heads Will Roll" comfortably exist between a Killers remix album and a Halloween garage rave. Too bad Halloween seems as far away as the YYY album release date (April 14th).
Karen O. also made an appearance on the new N.A.S.A. album, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering Squeak E. Clean, one half of N.A.S.A. and sibling of director Spike Jonez (who directed YYY's "Y Control" video) also produced the band's 2006 disc, Show Your Bones.
I'm not quite sure why N.A.S.A. hasn't been sued yet by the real National Aeronautics and Space Administration yet, but in the meantime, the new N.A.S.A. (North America South America) has just dropped, without much warning or little publicity, their debut release, the Spirit of Apollo.
The album sounds a bit like the noise made when my head explodes, because when you put CSS's Lovefoxx and bad-ass MC Amanda Blank one track, that's usually what happens. Although you can barely hear Lovefoxxx on that song, "A Volta," there are plenty of other name-dropping collaborations (Tom Waits, the Cool Kids, E-40, Method Man, and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, just to name a few) to let your jaw hit the floor.
"Wachadoin?" managed to cram the ever-nasty Spank Rock, new mom M.I.A., YYY guitarist Nick Zinner, and the recently legal-troubled Santigold onto one track. Before you run to the comment box to correct me on my spelling, you should know that the legal musical entity Santogold is no longer in existence, and if you need any proof, just park yourself over at her old MySpace. Somebody on Stereogum, which kept me up-to-date on the all the legal junk, said it best when he or she described the incident as "bad news for audio scrobblers." Something tells me that's the least of Ms. Santi's worries right now, though.
Anyway, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Santogold also shows up with Kanye West and Lykki Li on "Gifted," which is another boss cut of epic startstruck proportions. I'm telling you, the N.A.S.A. collective is going to infiltrate pop music. M.I.A.'s rhymes in "Paper Planes" were already sampled ad nauseum in the Kanye/Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne jam "Swagga Like Us," and Santi's line from "Shove It" gets a lot of air time in Jay-Z's contribution to the Notorious Soundtrack, "Brooklyn We Go Hard." I guess it's not that special when you notice that Kanye produced both tracks, but this type of thing gets me excited. Now all we need are the Amanda Blank and Kid Sister albums to drop and we'll be good to go.
February 13, 2009
Reasons Why I Love the New Gaga Video...
Today was a glorious day because Lady Gaga decided to grace us with her audiovisual presence once again. To celebrate the release of the "Lovegame" video, I decided to come with a little list as to why this borderline-pornographic video is so awesome.
10. Her back-up dancers look like the village people.
9. Her hair isn't fake this time.
8. She actually brings out her magic wand, the Disco Stick, which makes the line, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick" slightly less dirty.
7. She basically is naked for half the video, which takes back what I just said about anything being slightly less dirty.
6. While hanging from the ceiling of a subway car, her white leather catsuit magically turns into a black leather jacket, fishnet stockings, and chain-mail panties.
5. There are dance routines on stairs and on top of cars. That's a recipe for success if I ever saw one.
4. After basically getting arrested, she decides to screw the cop instead. While other video pop stars would then proceed to kick said cop's ass a la "Womanizer," Gaga just does it for kicks. Skanky, skanky, kicks.
3. Said cop eventually turns into a woman. You might miss it the first time, but it happens.
2. The awkward crotch-grabbing dance in the last five seconds of the video.
1. She has glasses made out of a chain-link fence. Pointless, but you never would have thought of that.
Doesn't that list of things sound enticing? Check out the video if you didn't the first time.
10. Her back-up dancers look like the village people.
9. Her hair isn't fake this time.
8. She actually brings out her magic wand, the Disco Stick, which makes the line, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick" slightly less dirty.
7. She basically is naked for half the video, which takes back what I just said about anything being slightly less dirty.
6. While hanging from the ceiling of a subway car, her white leather catsuit magically turns into a black leather jacket, fishnet stockings, and chain-mail panties.
5. There are dance routines on stairs and on top of cars. That's a recipe for success if I ever saw one.
4. After basically getting arrested, she decides to screw the cop instead. While other video pop stars would then proceed to kick said cop's ass a la "Womanizer," Gaga just does it for kicks. Skanky, skanky, kicks.
3. Said cop eventually turns into a woman. You might miss it the first time, but it happens.
2. The awkward crotch-grabbing dance in the last five seconds of the video.
1. She has glasses made out of a chain-link fence. Pointless, but you never would have thought of that.
Doesn't that list of things sound enticing? Check out the video if you didn't the first time.
February 9, 2009
Once you pop...the fun stops.
Pussycat Dolls decided that now would be a good time to drop their new music video for "Bottle Pop." It's quite the let down, since the shots of the girls drinking soda are neither sexy nor are they getting paid for product placement. Soda cans are also not bottles -- I'm surprised they even got that far. And don't even get me started on their make-up. They look like Mike Tyson. Beautiful.
Also, the trailer clip for this video had shots of the girls climbing all up and down the balconies of the empty theatre this video takes place in. Where are those shots? I don't want to see PCD stand around gyrate. I want to see them trespass, damnit!
In terms of the song itself, it's not bad, at least relative to half the shit that's on flop-of-the-year Doll Domination. It's produced by Fernando Garibay, who did Britney Spears' two Circus bonus tracks, "Amnesia" and the Lady-Gaga-penned "Quicksand," both of which are some of the best pop songs of 2008. So "Bottle Pop" has some promise. Sadly, "Bottle Pop" is about as lifeless as inflatable Pussycat Doll (that's not entirely true, it's a good song to the gym too -- but only then!). The album version has Snoop Dogg on it, which is a little weird, since corporate labels usually like to have the rapper be on the single version in hopes of extorting money out of obsessive iTunes collectors who must have everything. Who is running Universal these days?
I still think the girls or whoever is managing / destroying their careers should release "Elevator" as a single. Unlike the other singles from Doll Domination, it has interesting production, commendable song-writing, and is much catchier than "Watcha Think About That" (Missy Elliott saves that song from certain death -- she makes a Katy Perry reference!).
But it probably won't be a single because one of the other Dolls sings vocals on it. OMG. What, do they think we're going to be confused? It's not like we didn't notice Melody, Kim, Jessica, and Ashley awkwardly dancing there. Either that, or Nicole Scherzinger is screwing their manager. Work that casting couch, girlfriend! Put those girls in their place.
On the bright side, when they tour with Britney Spears this year, everyone will like them again because Britney has the midas touch in pop music. If "Bottle Pop" was actually "Bottle Pop (featuring Britney Spears)" it would go to number one world-wide faster than you can avert your daughter's eyes from all the skankiness!
February 8, 2009
Grammy Wrap-Up 2009
RECORD OF THE YEAR:
Record of the year is an "award to the artist and to the producer(s), recording engineer(s) and/or mixer(s), if other than the artist," in case you're wondering. I was tempted to put my favor in support of "Paper Planes," since nobody made cash registers sound as cool as Diplo and Switch did, but on the other hand, I also see Record of the Year as sort of a consolation prize for artists who never had a chance at song of the year, like Leona Lewis. This boggles my mind, as my radio was held hostage by "Bleeding Love" several times in the past twelve months. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant managed to take this won home.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Considering Coldplay's Viva La Vida is the only album from this category that I own, I cannot help but express my disappointment that it did not win.
SONG OF THE YEAR:
I think Coldplay rightly deserved this one for "Viva La Vida." That song is pretty epic, with all those drums and strings and talks of ruling the world. Fun fact: there's a breakfast place in Evanston, Illinois called Clarke's that serves Viva La Blueberry pancakes. They are quite delicious.
BEST NEW ARTIST:
Lady Gaga...not. I don't know how she managed to not get nominated, considering the Jonas Brothers have released three albums already (Grammy Awards have a long history of doing this...remember when they nominated Imogen Heap a couple years ago, even though she released her first album in the late 1990s?).
I really wanted Jazmine Sullivan to win, but I realized that Adele is pretty awesome, too. I would have been happy with either.
BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS:
I never actually listened to the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss record, nor do I plan on it, but seriously, I want to give it to Alicia Keys on this one since she was totally snubbed from the Grammies this year. Usually she basically dominates the Grammies -- and with a song like "No One," she totally should have, even though the song nominated in this category was "Lesson Learned" with John Mayer (major tool).
BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM:
Duffy won, which, although not what I wanted, is totally okay. I think we should give her something. I mean, her voice is kinda nasally, and I actually think Adele has a more pleasant voice, but then I remembered I only have one Adele song on iTunes that was a free download, compared to the $2.97 I spent on various Duffy songs.
BEST DANCE RECORDING:
"Harder Better Faster Stronger" won. No, not Kanye West's "Stronger," this is the actually Daft Punk song. Can I just have a little WTF moment here? That song came out like eight years ago. This was just the live version winning a Grammy....why didn't they give this song the Grammy when it first came out instead of passing over people Lady Gaga or Sam Sparrow ("Black and Gold" is the shit, ya'll). These Grammy people need to be smacked in the face with a Disco stick.
BEST ELECTRONIC/DANCE ALBUM:
Daft Punk wins again for the album, "Alive 2007." It came out towards the end of '07, so it didn't qualify for last year's Grammies, but that doesn't change the fact that
Robyn did not take this one home.
BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY DUO OR GROUP:
Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" wins. Finally, things are going my way again. Is there a Grammy Award for Coolest Song Title of the Bunch, too?
BEST ROCK SONG:
This one went to "Girls in Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen. I basically own every song in this category except the one that won, but you must always, always concede victory to the Boss. 'Tis the law.
BEST ROCK ALBUM:
I didn't get to vote on the Grammies this year because I don't get paid to kiss Chris Martin's ass for a living, but I believe Coldplay deserves this one.
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Radiohead wins, but honestly, I am getting really sick of them (their concert merchandise, on the other hand, is worth every penny). The only thing alternative about this album was how you could pay whatever you wanted for it. Beck, Death Cab, or Gnarls Barkley could have been better.
BEST FEMALE R&B VOCAL PERFORMANCE:
Alicia Keys won for "Superwoman," which would have been fine were superwoman not such a sucky song (does nobody remember "No One?"). My pick was Jazmine Sullivan, as "Need U Bad" is a little bit great.
BEST URBAN/ALTERNATIVE PERFORMANCE
This is such a random category. Anyway, Chrisette Michele (featuring the ubiquitous will.i.am) won for "Be Okay." I don't mind Christette Michele. Can't say a bad thing about her. But I was hoping deep down inside that Janelle Monae might snag a grammy. The crazy ones never win, though, do they.
BEST R&B ALBUM:
J-Hud is pretty awesome. I don't really have anything to say about this other than "Yaaaaaaay J-Hud." But I felt the need to include it in my coverage. Did you know that she's engaged to Punkie from I Love New York 2?
BEST RAP SOLO PERFORMANCE:
Lil Wayne wins for A Milli. I guess I take it back -- the crazy ones do win occasionally. But Lil Wayne is bad crazy, at least on this record (and on his new disaster, "Prom Queen"), as he sounded quite lucid during his Katie Couric interview the other day.
BEST RAP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR A GROUP:
Too bad M.I.A. didn't give birth on stage ("Swagga Like Us," by Jay-Z, T.I. Kanye, and Lil Wayne, which won this category, sampled one her rhymes from "Paper Planes"). That would have been amazing.
BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION:
My thoughts on Estelle winning? I was going to go for "Low," since that chorus is on my mind all the time. Then I realized that you can't really call anything T-Pain does "singing."
BEST RAP ALBUM:
Obviously it was gonna go to Lil Wayne, since he is the only rap album nominated for Album of the Year. But I thought T.I.'s Paper Trail put up a good fight.
Record of the year is an "award to the artist and to the producer(s), recording engineer(s) and/or mixer(s), if other than the artist," in case you're wondering. I was tempted to put my favor in support of "Paper Planes," since nobody made cash registers sound as cool as Diplo and Switch did, but on the other hand, I also see Record of the Year as sort of a consolation prize for artists who never had a chance at song of the year, like Leona Lewis. This boggles my mind, as my radio was held hostage by "Bleeding Love" several times in the past twelve months. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant managed to take this won home.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Considering Coldplay's Viva La Vida is the only album from this category that I own, I cannot help but express my disappointment that it did not win.
SONG OF THE YEAR:
I think Coldplay rightly deserved this one for "Viva La Vida." That song is pretty epic, with all those drums and strings and talks of ruling the world. Fun fact: there's a breakfast place in Evanston, Illinois called Clarke's that serves Viva La Blueberry pancakes. They are quite delicious.
BEST NEW ARTIST:
Lady Gaga...not. I don't know how she managed to not get nominated, considering the Jonas Brothers have released three albums already (Grammy Awards have a long history of doing this...remember when they nominated Imogen Heap a couple years ago, even though she released her first album in the late 1990s?).
I really wanted Jazmine Sullivan to win, but I realized that Adele is pretty awesome, too. I would have been happy with either.
BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS:
I never actually listened to the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss record, nor do I plan on it, but seriously, I want to give it to Alicia Keys on this one since she was totally snubbed from the Grammies this year. Usually she basically dominates the Grammies -- and with a song like "No One," she totally should have, even though the song nominated in this category was "Lesson Learned" with John Mayer (major tool).
BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM:
Duffy won, which, although not what I wanted, is totally okay. I think we should give her something. I mean, her voice is kinda nasally, and I actually think Adele has a more pleasant voice, but then I remembered I only have one Adele song on iTunes that was a free download, compared to the $2.97 I spent on various Duffy songs.
BEST DANCE RECORDING:
"Harder Better Faster Stronger" won. No, not Kanye West's "Stronger," this is the actually Daft Punk song. Can I just have a little WTF moment here? That song came out like eight years ago. This was just the live version winning a Grammy....why didn't they give this song the Grammy when it first came out instead of passing over people Lady Gaga or Sam Sparrow ("Black and Gold" is the shit, ya'll). These Grammy people need to be smacked in the face with a Disco stick.
BEST ELECTRONIC/DANCE ALBUM:
Daft Punk wins again for the album, "Alive 2007." It came out towards the end of '07, so it didn't qualify for last year's Grammies, but that doesn't change the fact that
Robyn did not take this one home.
BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY DUO OR GROUP:
Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" wins. Finally, things are going my way again. Is there a Grammy Award for Coolest Song Title of the Bunch, too?
BEST ROCK SONG:
This one went to "Girls in Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen. I basically own every song in this category except the one that won, but you must always, always concede victory to the Boss. 'Tis the law.
BEST ROCK ALBUM:
I didn't get to vote on the Grammies this year because I don't get paid to kiss Chris Martin's ass for a living, but I believe Coldplay deserves this one.
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Radiohead wins, but honestly, I am getting really sick of them (their concert merchandise, on the other hand, is worth every penny). The only thing alternative about this album was how you could pay whatever you wanted for it. Beck, Death Cab, or Gnarls Barkley could have been better.
BEST FEMALE R&B VOCAL PERFORMANCE:
Alicia Keys won for "Superwoman," which would have been fine were superwoman not such a sucky song (does nobody remember "No One?"). My pick was Jazmine Sullivan, as "Need U Bad" is a little bit great.
BEST URBAN/ALTERNATIVE PERFORMANCE
This is such a random category. Anyway, Chrisette Michele (featuring the ubiquitous will.i.am) won for "Be Okay." I don't mind Christette Michele. Can't say a bad thing about her. But I was hoping deep down inside that Janelle Monae might snag a grammy. The crazy ones never win, though, do they.
BEST R&B ALBUM:
J-Hud is pretty awesome. I don't really have anything to say about this other than "Yaaaaaaay J-Hud." But I felt the need to include it in my coverage. Did you know that she's engaged to Punkie from I Love New York 2?
BEST RAP SOLO PERFORMANCE:
Lil Wayne wins for A Milli. I guess I take it back -- the crazy ones do win occasionally. But Lil Wayne is bad crazy, at least on this record (and on his new disaster, "Prom Queen"), as he sounded quite lucid during his Katie Couric interview the other day.
BEST RAP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR A GROUP:
Too bad M.I.A. didn't give birth on stage ("Swagga Like Us," by Jay-Z, T.I. Kanye, and Lil Wayne, which won this category, sampled one her rhymes from "Paper Planes"). That would have been amazing.
BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION:
My thoughts on Estelle winning? I was going to go for "Low," since that chorus is on my mind all the time. Then I realized that you can't really call anything T-Pain does "singing."
BEST RAP ALBUM:
Obviously it was gonna go to Lil Wayne, since he is the only rap album nominated for Album of the Year. But I thought T.I.'s Paper Trail put up a good fight.
February 2, 2009
My New Favorite Holiday
Today is a glorious day. While Punxsutawney Phil noticed his shadow today, putting us all in store for another six weeks of winter, Lady Gaga also decided to treat us with a new music video. "Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" is the third Australian single after "Just Dance" and "Poker Face," but it is technically video #4 for our little video vixen (you can't forget about "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich!").
Despite what our little groundhog friend has to say about things, "Eh, Eh" is quite a summery song. One might even call it a "jam." Actually, now that I think about, Australia has summer during our winter, so scratch all of what I just said. Fool! How could I forget that Lady Gaga is an all-knowing genius?
Anyway, there's no hand-clapping, foot-pounding, cat-suit-wearing, binge-drinking, clubbing, or any variation or combination of the above in this video, which makes it a little bit different from her past two singles. She also has a new hair-style (WOAH). Normally, these could be good things, but my overall appreciation for this video is diminished by the fact that she breaks out her best "Rock of Love" contestant stripper dance right around the half-way mark.
This video isn't going to do anything for those X-tina comparisons either, after all, "Can't Hold Us Down" also featured pop star posses patrolling the streets of New York in skimpy summer outfits, and did I mention the trashy stripper dance already? (Can I also just add that I absolutely love Lil' Kim's part in the "Can't Hold Us Down" a video? I bet she walks around wearing things like that in real life. Just like Gaga).
On the other hand, X-tina doesn't sleep in hot pink stiletto heels. I don't think Gaga does either, but at least she has the guts to pretend. X-tina would also never try something as clever as including a cameo of the same ginormous guard dogs Gaga used in the "Poker Face" video. You see, ladies and gentlemen, Lady Gaga is all about subtleties. Hah. Not. She is the most over-the-top, un-subtle person I know. But that's why we love her. I'm sure deep down inside, there is a bit of Gaga in all of us.
Gaga also shot a video for "LoveGame," the next U.S. single, around the same time. Last time we checked, she was wearing fishnet tights, a leather jacket, and chain-mail panties. I expect great things.
Despite what our little groundhog friend has to say about things, "Eh, Eh" is quite a summery song. One might even call it a "jam." Actually, now that I think about, Australia has summer during our winter, so scratch all of what I just said. Fool! How could I forget that Lady Gaga is an all-knowing genius?
Anyway, there's no hand-clapping, foot-pounding, cat-suit-wearing, binge-drinking, clubbing, or any variation or combination of the above in this video, which makes it a little bit different from her past two singles. She also has a new hair-style (WOAH). Normally, these could be good things, but my overall appreciation for this video is diminished by the fact that she breaks out her best "Rock of Love" contestant stripper dance right around the half-way mark.
This video isn't going to do anything for those X-tina comparisons either, after all, "Can't Hold Us Down" also featured pop star posses patrolling the streets of New York in skimpy summer outfits, and did I mention the trashy stripper dance already? (Can I also just add that I absolutely love Lil' Kim's part in the "Can't Hold Us Down" a video? I bet she walks around wearing things like that in real life. Just like Gaga).
On the other hand, X-tina doesn't sleep in hot pink stiletto heels. I don't think Gaga does either, but at least she has the guts to pretend. X-tina would also never try something as clever as including a cameo of the same ginormous guard dogs Gaga used in the "Poker Face" video. You see, ladies and gentlemen, Lady Gaga is all about subtleties. Hah. Not. She is the most over-the-top, un-subtle person I know. But that's why we love her. I'm sure deep down inside, there is a bit of Gaga in all of us.
Gaga also shot a video for "LoveGame," the next U.S. single, around the same time. Last time we checked, she was wearing fishnet tights, a leather jacket, and chain-mail panties. I expect great things.
January 31, 2009
Change You Can Believe In!
I am filled with hope, and this has nothing to do with the fact that I am catching up on a month's worth of This American Life Episodes and just finished the Inauguration Show one. Yes, Barack Obama is pretty cool. But more importantly, Keri Hilson might actually have a hit on her hands.
You don't think you know her, but you actually do. She's that lady on Timbaland's grammatically-incorrect "The Way I Are," and Keri Hilson is totally okay with reminding people that the song really is the only reason people might have an interest in her: her video for "Return the Favor," actually begins with a clip of "The Way I Are" that song to jolt the memory of unsuspecting R&B fans.
Anyways, the big deal is that her song "Turnin' Me On" is actually in the Top 40 of the billboard charts. What's annoying is that she had to prostitute her music by getting Lil' Wayne to jump on the track and drop an auto-tuned verse comparing female anatomy to carnivorous aquatic creatures. This is where I would make a joke about that movie "Teeth," but I won't. You're welcome.
"Turnin' Me On" is the third video she's released in support of her album, In A Perfect World. The problem is, her album hasn't come out yet.
Are you having deja vu as well? Because this reminds me of what happened to lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger (hey, it's easier than "Blagojevich"), who also tried to go solo by doing exactly what she did before, minus the five other back-up dancers that make up the rest of the band. Scherzy made it to four forgettable singles on iTunes before she coughed up a press release explaining how she had a change of heart and how dropping her solo album to focus on PCD's sophomore effort, Doll Domination, was of her own volition.
I wonder how many A&R reps it took to make Nicole Scherzinger swallow her pride.
I am worried that Keri Hilson is headed down that path. There's a big difference, though: Scherzy's singles basically all sucked. "Whatever U Like" was the only one that had promise, but it turned out to be a total rip-off of Kelis's "Blindfold Me" from 2006's Kelis Was Here. Fool! Nobody does it better than Kelis. And what is with these rap producers making identical beats? Where is the creativity?. Polow Da Don, the producer responsible for those two songs, also made the beat for "Turnin' Me On," so maybe he's not all bad.
But anyways, the rest of Scherzy's singles -- Baby Love, Supervillain, and Puakenikeni (Akon gets her in touch with her Hawaiian roots, in case you're wondering) -- are complete and total wastes of megabytes.
Keri has the goods, though. First of all, she's been a songwriter for some odd number of years, and is responsible for one of the greatest pop songs of the millenium, Britney Spears's "Gimme More," which makes her a winner in my book.
Second, her three singles could take down Nicole Scherzinger's entire catalogue any day of the week. Blindfolded, too. Take a look for yourself:
RETURN THE FAVOR (featuring Timbaland -- of course!):
ENERGY:
TURNIN' ME ON (featuring Lil' Wayne):
I have to say, though -- the parts where Keri's in the pink dress in the "Return The Favor" video look nearly identical to Rihanna's own pink-dress moments in "S.O.S." Gosh, I have such a good eye for these things. At least she didn't copy a Pussycat, though.
You don't think you know her, but you actually do. She's that lady on Timbaland's grammatically-incorrect "The Way I Are," and Keri Hilson is totally okay with reminding people that the song really is the only reason people might have an interest in her: her video for "Return the Favor," actually begins with a clip of "The Way I Are" that song to jolt the memory of unsuspecting R&B fans.
Anyways, the big deal is that her song "Turnin' Me On" is actually in the Top 40 of the billboard charts. What's annoying is that she had to prostitute her music by getting Lil' Wayne to jump on the track and drop an auto-tuned verse comparing female anatomy to carnivorous aquatic creatures. This is where I would make a joke about that movie "Teeth," but I won't. You're welcome.
"Turnin' Me On" is the third video she's released in support of her album, In A Perfect World. The problem is, her album hasn't come out yet.
Are you having deja vu as well? Because this reminds me of what happened to lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger (hey, it's easier than "Blagojevich"), who also tried to go solo by doing exactly what she did before, minus the five other back-up dancers that make up the rest of the band. Scherzy made it to four forgettable singles on iTunes before she coughed up a press release explaining how she had a change of heart and how dropping her solo album to focus on PCD's sophomore effort, Doll Domination, was of her own volition.
I wonder how many A&R reps it took to make Nicole Scherzinger swallow her pride.
I am worried that Keri Hilson is headed down that path. There's a big difference, though: Scherzy's singles basically all sucked. "Whatever U Like" was the only one that had promise, but it turned out to be a total rip-off of Kelis's "Blindfold Me" from 2006's Kelis Was Here. Fool! Nobody does it better than Kelis. And what is with these rap producers making identical beats? Where is the creativity?. Polow Da Don, the producer responsible for those two songs, also made the beat for "Turnin' Me On," so maybe he's not all bad.
But anyways, the rest of Scherzy's singles -- Baby Love, Supervillain, and Puakenikeni (Akon gets her in touch with her Hawaiian roots, in case you're wondering) -- are complete and total wastes of megabytes.
Keri has the goods, though. First of all, she's been a songwriter for some odd number of years, and is responsible for one of the greatest pop songs of the millenium, Britney Spears's "Gimme More," which makes her a winner in my book.
Second, her three singles could take down Nicole Scherzinger's entire catalogue any day of the week. Blindfolded, too. Take a look for yourself:
RETURN THE FAVOR (featuring Timbaland -- of course!):
ENERGY:
TURNIN' ME ON (featuring Lil' Wayne):
I have to say, though -- the parts where Keri's in the pink dress in the "Return The Favor" video look nearly identical to Rihanna's own pink-dress moments in "S.O.S." Gosh, I have such a good eye for these things. At least she didn't copy a Pussycat, though.
January 23, 2009
Out of This World
I might as well just call this blog What Would Sasha Fierce Do? because everything I seem to write comes back to her.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
January 20, 2009
From Across The Pond
I like VV Brown. She seems like a nice wholesome girl. I predict no fits of crazy, no alcoholism, no rehab, none of that jazz. Just good songs like the one you just heard, "Leave." She's a smart one too, could have gone to Oxford apparently, but turned it all down to make music. Fool! Maybe she is crazy.
VV is like the U.K. version of Janelle Monáe, who is even crazier than VV because she wrote her entire album about being a robot from outer space in intergalactic hot pursuit by the humans. Yeah, that kind of crazy. I kinda wanna be an android now.
Anyway, I still don't understand why Diddy signed Janelle to his label. That's the first display of taste since he tried to sign Missy Elliott in 1996, and that was 13 years ago! I can tell Diddy has no clue what to do with Janelle. She's too out of the box, which is why I fear for her career in the states. They need to ship her over to the U.K. as soon as possible because that's where the likes of VV Brown can stay safe from record labels who don't stand behind their artists.
Speaking of being out of the box, why is that U.K. pop stars think they can stuff themselves inside multi-colored boxes for their video treatments like Robyn's "Handle Me" never even happened? That video is so mind-blowing it's been permanently burned into my retinas. I'm surprised nobody's called VV out on this one.
Robyn, however, has class and won't call you a tranny when her feelings are hurt, like Christina Aguilera did when people pointed out she copied Lady Gaga's look. Double fool! I know Xtina didn't do that on purpose, since she's too busy trying to copy Goldfrapp instead (she's actually working with G-frapp on her next record -- I called it!), but seriously, pop stars need to keep an eye on what other pop stars do so they don't get in situations like these. It's a jungle out there, and that's like the principle rule of survival. Gosh, I should just be an A&R person. I would offer free seminars on how to not act like a bitch when you stop paying attention to trends.
Video aside, the other issue I have with VV is her name. Her first name isn't really a name at all, it's just an upside-down Motorola logo, and I can't stop thinking about that every time her song comes on. VV is a pretty catchy first name, though. How many people do you know named VV? Time to up the VV quota on your Facebook, no doubt. But still -- it's a cellphone logo. I would have been fine with Vivi, short for Vivian, even if her first name is Vanessa and even if Vivi is the name of the black mage from Final Fantasy VIII. But I wouldn't be surprised if VV played all those magic warlock video games -- she writes songs for the Pussycat Dolls and the Sugababes under the pseudonym "Geeki," which is a big red flag for nerd-status if I ever did see one.
January 18, 2009
Gagavision
Bow down, bitches. Sasha Fierce must be flipping her shit right now because her majesty Lady Gaga is about to out-fierce her.
Usually it's quite normal to see origami cocaine crystals cascading (isn't that the best alliteration you've heard all year?) down the side of Gaga's face and dress, but much like with her latex catsuit and shoulder pads look she was rocking months ago, our dear friend Gaga has moved on, taking the cocaine motif from the white, life-styles-of-the-rich-and-famous form to its heavy-metal crack form. This is from her London club show at G-A-Y from a night or two ago:
This outfit is also comes with no pants:
I've come along way from thinking Gaga was the tranny version of Donatella Versace. Now sometimes at night I imagine that I too will wear drug-inspired outfits and side-ways walk down the street in pursuit of the disco stick:
Lately my informants from across the pond have tried to draw a lot of Gwen Stefani comparisons: white girl in a giant musical game of Twister (right hand in pop, left foot on hip hop, right foot in rock) with expensive shades and a knack for fashion too expensive to buy, too labor-intensive to make yourself. And although Gaga has yet to parade around a group of Japanese twenty-somethings, am I the only one who noticed all of her dancers and much of her band in the Leno performance were black?
With the exception of race-casting your crew (I'll never be a part of the Haüs of Gaga at this rate), I fail to see a problem with more Gwen or Gaga in the world.
Fortunately Gwen decided to cut the dance party a little short to make adorable, adorable babies, so I don't have to choose between them. Can you imagine that? I'd be going Rumplestiltskin on that shit, tearing myself in two.
But Gaga never stops the party. In the words of my favorite physicist, Kate Jones-Smith, "Sometimes you have to party round the clock, sometimes you have to take the party home with you at night. Sometimes you have to stay up, all night, maintaining the party. You gotta be able to party even when there's no one watching over your shoulder. No 'party deadline' looming."
Case study: look at what she wears during the day. And to the airport, no less! Talk about taking the party home with you. At least she didn't have the origami crack poking out the side of her face. I'd have to give up my coveted aisle seat to make sure my eyeballs don't get poked out, provided I hadn't already been blinded by the light reflecting off her bangs.
And for those cold winter mornings in London? Flesh-colored tights!
Fun fact of the day: Gaga's middle name is Stefani. And that sound you're hearing? It is the sound of the stars aligning.
Usually it's quite normal to see origami cocaine crystals cascading (isn't that the best alliteration you've heard all year?) down the side of Gaga's face and dress, but much like with her latex catsuit and shoulder pads look she was rocking months ago, our dear friend Gaga has moved on, taking the cocaine motif from the white, life-styles-of-the-rich-and-famous form to its heavy-metal crack form. This is from her London club show at G-A-Y from a night or two ago:
This outfit is also comes with no pants:
I've come along way from thinking Gaga was the tranny version of Donatella Versace. Now sometimes at night I imagine that I too will wear drug-inspired outfits and side-ways walk down the street in pursuit of the disco stick:
Lately my informants from across the pond have tried to draw a lot of Gwen Stefani comparisons: white girl in a giant musical game of Twister (right hand in pop, left foot on hip hop, right foot in rock) with expensive shades and a knack for fashion too expensive to buy, too labor-intensive to make yourself. And although Gaga has yet to parade around a group of Japanese twenty-somethings, am I the only one who noticed all of her dancers and much of her band in the Leno performance were black?
With the exception of race-casting your crew (I'll never be a part of the Haüs of Gaga at this rate), I fail to see a problem with more Gwen or Gaga in the world.
Fortunately Gwen decided to cut the dance party a little short to make adorable, adorable babies, so I don't have to choose between them. Can you imagine that? I'd be going Rumplestiltskin on that shit, tearing myself in two.
But Gaga never stops the party. In the words of my favorite physicist, Kate Jones-Smith, "Sometimes you have to party round the clock, sometimes you have to take the party home with you at night. Sometimes you have to stay up, all night, maintaining the party. You gotta be able to party even when there's no one watching over your shoulder. No 'party deadline' looming."
Case study: look at what she wears during the day. And to the airport, no less! Talk about taking the party home with you. At least she didn't have the origami crack poking out the side of her face. I'd have to give up my coveted aisle seat to make sure my eyeballs don't get poked out, provided I hadn't already been blinded by the light reflecting off her bangs.
And for those cold winter mornings in London? Flesh-colored tights!
Fun fact of the day: Gaga's middle name is Stefani. And that sound you're hearing? It is the sound of the stars aligning.
January 16, 2009
When I Say "Bad" I Mean "Good"
"We really like pop songs like Justin and Nelly Furtado, Gwen and Kylie Minogue. This is what put us together, all those pop songs. We used to have a party and we used to play all those songs, like Eurotrash. I think that's what put us together. This is our main influence. Like Dance crappy songs and pop music. I say crappy but I really like it. I know you do, too."
That's basically the story of my life right there, as told by Lovefoxxx, my BFF and front-woman of Brazilian electro-rock outfit CSS (or Cansei De Ser Sexy for the acronym-challenged) at the Indian Summer Festival in 2006. With people like her in the world, I have no need to educate the masses on value of pop music. This blog may be called Bad Pop Music, but who am I kidding? You know just as well as I do that there's no such thing! I call it that just to rope in the skeptics before I hit them with the one-two punch of sparkly glitter and bubble gum and show them the error of their ways.
And just so ya'll know, Cansei De Ser Sexy is Portuguese for "Tired of Being Sexy," which is something our very own Beyoncé actually said in an interview back in her "Crazy In Love" days. You know, before Sasha Fierce took over and started calling the shots (UPGRADE). Sasha Fierce never gets tired of being sexy. Duh.
Here now is one of the highlights of 2008 for pop songs (and while we're at it, music video direction -- this is like a low-budget, acid trip version of "Single Ladies), CSS's Left Behind:
That's basically the story of my life right there, as told by Lovefoxxx, my BFF and front-woman of Brazilian electro-rock outfit CSS (or Cansei De Ser Sexy for the acronym-challenged) at the Indian Summer Festival in 2006. With people like her in the world, I have no need to educate the masses on value of pop music. This blog may be called Bad Pop Music, but who am I kidding? You know just as well as I do that there's no such thing! I call it that just to rope in the skeptics before I hit them with the one-two punch of sparkly glitter and bubble gum and show them the error of their ways.
And just so ya'll know, Cansei De Ser Sexy is Portuguese for "Tired of Being Sexy," which is something our very own Beyoncé actually said in an interview back in her "Crazy In Love" days. You know, before Sasha Fierce took over and started calling the shots (UPGRADE). Sasha Fierce never gets tired of being sexy. Duh.
Here now is one of the highlights of 2008 for pop songs (and while we're at it, music video direction -- this is like a low-budget, acid trip version of "Single Ladies), CSS's Left Behind:
January 15, 2009
Since She Been Gone
None of us really noticed, but Katy Perry totally took Kelly Clarkson's thunder in the blink of an eye. Think about it: that void in your heart where angsty MTV anthem "Behind These Hazel Eyes" used to be is now occupied by Warped-Tour-approved flirtations with faux-bisexuality. I'm having trouble deciding which I want more. Aren't you?
Anyways, "My Life Would Suck Without You" is basically the musical lovechild of Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold." And without being too graphic, I will say that I am quite serious with my lovechild word choice. Am I the only one who pictures little MP3 files rolling around on the floor? How else would her single cover have her dressed in nothing but candy wrappers? I bet she couldn't find her clothes underneath all the candy wrappers it took to get the shot. Probably went through like a dozen lollipops just to get the sparkle right.
Oh God, I think I just called K-Clark a skank? That's not nice. I should be kinder to Kelly Clarkson. She can sing quite well, or rather, girl can sang. And the song itself is not that bad -- after all, I thoroughly enjoyed "Since U Been Gone" and "Hot 'n' Cold," and apparently, so did the rest of America. So I wouldn't be surprised if this single goes to numero uno and K-Clark reclaims her throne. But you know Perry is going to be snickering in the background since her left-over tracks might end up on K-Clark's new disc, All I Ever Wanted. That's right, all she ever wanted was an unreleased Katy Perry B-Side. Dream big, Kelly! I suppose this is the price you pay for working with the exact same producers.
Not that I really have too much time to predict which pop start will reign in the end. I'm too busy trying to get over how much Katy Perry looks like actress and Northwestern drop-out Zooey Deschanel, whose own album with band She & Him, Volume One, could take on Kelly and Katy blindfolded with its hands behind its back.
I won't say too much about how that fight would go down. I'm already one step away from turning this post into an episode of A Double Shot At Love. And God knows we don't want that. Right?
But before I go: Damn, Kelly! You got hit with the Photoshop stick.
Anyways, "My Life Would Suck Without You" is basically the musical lovechild of Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold." And without being too graphic, I will say that I am quite serious with my lovechild word choice. Am I the only one who pictures little MP3 files rolling around on the floor? How else would her single cover have her dressed in nothing but candy wrappers? I bet she couldn't find her clothes underneath all the candy wrappers it took to get the shot. Probably went through like a dozen lollipops just to get the sparkle right.
Oh God, I think I just called K-Clark a skank? That's not nice. I should be kinder to Kelly Clarkson. She can sing quite well, or rather, girl can sang. And the song itself is not that bad -- after all, I thoroughly enjoyed "Since U Been Gone" and "Hot 'n' Cold," and apparently, so did the rest of America. So I wouldn't be surprised if this single goes to numero uno and K-Clark reclaims her throne. But you know Perry is going to be snickering in the background since her left-over tracks might end up on K-Clark's new disc, All I Ever Wanted. That's right, all she ever wanted was an unreleased Katy Perry B-Side. Dream big, Kelly! I suppose this is the price you pay for working with the exact same producers.
Not that I really have too much time to predict which pop start will reign in the end. I'm too busy trying to get over how much Katy Perry looks like actress and Northwestern drop-out Zooey Deschanel, whose own album with band She & Him, Volume One, could take on Kelly and Katy blindfolded with its hands behind its back.
I won't say too much about how that fight would go down. I'm already one step away from turning this post into an episode of A Double Shot At Love. And God knows we don't want that. Right?
But before I go: Damn, Kelly! You got hit with the Photoshop stick.
Divas Gettin' Money
I like Lily Allen a lot. I get very defensive when people talk smack about her because deep down inside I wish she was my BFF. She's back with a new album next month, It's Not Me, It's You, but the first single, "The Fear," which has been floating around on her MySpace for quite sometime, is enough to keep me busy until then. I have to say, Lily kinda works it in this video like Wednesday Adams at a gay bar, with a lit bit of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka thrown in for good measure. It doesn't get much better than that. And look at those bangs! You could cut your hand on them, that's how sharp they are.
Sasha Fierce could kick Beyoncé's ass in a second. Beyoncé doesn't have shades like these -- I wonder, when Sasha turns her head too fast, does she poke her eyes?. I should probably wonder if she can even really see through them. Anyways, "Diva" doesn't have the massive coordinated dance routine that "Single Ladies" did, nor will it spawn probably as many spin-offs, but it does have two faceless back-up dancers straight out of Santogold video. Of course, I can't help but remember that Lady Gaga did the no-pants cat-suit and the shoulder pads way before Ms. Fierce forced herself out of Beyoncé's ego, but who's keeping score?
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