From Across The Pond

I like VV Brown. She seems like a nice wholesome girl. I predict no fits of crazy, no alcoholism, no rehab, none of that jazz. Just good songs like the one you just heard, "Leave." She's a smart one too, could have gone to Oxford apparently, but turned it all down to make music. Fool! Maybe she is crazy.

VV is like the U.K. version of Janelle Monáe, who is even crazier than VV because she wrote her entire album about being a robot from outer space in intergalactic hot pursuit by the humans. Yeah, that kind of crazy. I kinda wanna be an android now.

Anyway, I still don't understand why Diddy signed Janelle to his label. That's the first display of taste since he tried to sign Missy Elliott in 1996, and that was 13 years ago! I can tell Diddy has no clue what to do with Janelle. She's too out of the box, which is why I fear for her career in the states. They need to ship her over to the U.K. as soon as possible because that's where the likes of VV Brown can stay safe from record labels who don't stand behind their artists.

Speaking of being out of the box, why is that U.K. pop stars think they can stuff themselves inside multi-colored boxes for their video treatments like Robyn's "Handle Me" never even happened? That video is so mind-blowing it's been permanently burned into my retinas. I'm surprised nobody's called VV out on this one.



Robyn, however, has class and won't call you a tranny when her feelings are hurt, like Christina Aguilera did when people pointed out she copied Lady Gaga's look. Double fool! I know Xtina didn't do that on purpose, since she's too busy trying to copy Goldfrapp instead (she's actually working with G-frapp on her next record -- I called it!), but seriously, pop stars need to keep an eye on what other pop stars do so they don't get in situations like these. It's a jungle out there, and that's like the principle rule of survival. Gosh, I should just be an A&R person. I would offer free seminars on how to not act like a bitch when you stop paying attention to trends.

Video aside, the other issue I have with VV is her name. Her first name isn't really a name at all, it's just an upside-down Motorola logo, and I can't stop thinking about that every time her song comes on. VV is a pretty catchy first name, though. How many people do you know named VV? Time to up the VV quota on your Facebook, no doubt. But still -- it's a cellphone logo. I would have been fine with Vivi, short for Vivian, even if her first name is Vanessa and even if Vivi is the name of the black mage from Final Fantasy VIII. But I wouldn't be surprised if VV played all those magic warlock video games -- she writes songs for the Pussycat Dolls and the Sugababes under the pseudonym "Geeki," which is a big red flag for nerd-status if I ever did see one.