June 30, 2009

She-Wolf

The bilingual BAMF returns! So I think that any song whose English translation is "She-Wolf" must be pretty epic, and, as I suspected, Shakira did not disappoint. For the past two weeks, I had this 15-second YouTube teaser put out by her record label on repeat. I was worried that the complete, official version would somehow be lacking compared to the version I had finished with my imagination. But "Loba," the Spanish version (English version comes out next week), has all the makings of a successful song: 1) wolf howls, 2) fast-talking pre-choruses, 3) the word "licántropa", 4) a groovy disco bass line. Now just imagine how great the video is going to be? I can tell you one thing: there will be belly dancing!

Some Crazy Ladies

These women who I recently started following on Twitter (Don't judge, it's the best) performed at SF Pride this weekend.

BOA!
Important song: "Eat You Up," "I Did It For Love"
Important facts: At just 22 years of age, she is like the Korean Britney Spears. Well-loved, super famous and talented (dancing and singing - at the same time!).



SOLANGE!
Important song: "I Decided," "Sandcastle Disco"
Important facts: Related to Beyoncé but if you mention that to her in an interview she will become an attitude-y biatch.

An Open Letter

Dear Britney Spears,

I like your song "Radar." I may or may not have named my high school newspaper after it. Even though I question the identity of who actually sang those vocals and believe you had a little date with the auto-tune (making you sound like a robot wasn't just for kicks), I think you are capable of carrying a tune live. I also think you can dance pretty well when you feel like it. But I have to say, your new music video is not exactly what I was looking forward to seeing. Ignoring all the Equus-style horse imagery going on, you look pretty hot in the video. Like, If-U-Seek-Amy hot.

But why couldn't your video have more of this?

Yours truly,
Nolan

June 4, 2009

Silly Boys and Dumb Pop Stars

We all know our girl Rihanna has had some tough times lately. Shame on you, Chris Brown. So it is only natural that her career needs a great, It's-Britney-Bitch moment where she looks all hot and fabulous and turns all this negative hype into positive hype. Although "Gimme More" didn't quite work out for Britters the way we hoped, this song, "Silly Boy," might actually do the trick for Princess RiRi.



This song popped up ago on the Internet a few weeks ago with rumors circling that it was a Chris Brown dis-trick performed by Lady Gaga and Rihanna. Lady Gaga went on the record (via Kanye West's blog) to say that she doesn't have anything to do with the song. Rihanna also took to K-Dub's blog to say that it wasn't her singing, but it doesn't rule out the possibility that it might be her song in the future. There's no doubt that it's a demo track with someone else doing the vocal reference, but if I were Rihanna's A&R rep (which I totally should be; RiRi and I can be BFFs) I would use all my resources to make sure this song is hers and hers only. It's like "Breaking Dishes 2.0" with a little bit of "Disturbia."

Having Lady Gaga on the track is nice for promotional reasons, since she's blowing up on the charts right now and her appearance will only raise the fierceness terror alert of this song to orange, but I would prefer that Rihanna tell the story herself. It'd be like inviting Sasha Fierce to share the track. Sasha Fierce doesn't share (duh), and Rihanna is fully capable of owning the moment. Like "Umbrella," which Rihanna did all on her own, thank you very much.

Fun fact: Both Ms. Spears and Mary J. Blige were offered "Umbrella" before Rihanna was, but both turned it down (stupid). "S.O.S." was also originally given to Christina Milian, but she turned it down as well (double stupid). And even though she's not an R&B dance diva, Kelly Clarkson's "I Do Not Hook Up" was originally written and performed by Katy Perry. But I guess you can't really get away with a song like that after you've already made it clear you actually do hook up.

Also, for giggles, here's Gaga being 200% over-the-top. She lost points for calling the journalist ridiculous. Gaga, you are the ridiculous one. From your fake-ass wig to your British accent. I love you dearly, but seriously. I'm on to you.



And if it's possible for things to get even more ridiculous, here is Gaga's video for "Paparazzi." The wheelchair part will probably push somebody's buttons because it's so weird and, you know, wheelchairs are sensitive topics, but it's actually kinda scary once she gets out of it and starts to do her weird robot walk. Also, note the cone-head action at the end of the video.