I am filled with hope, and this has nothing to do with the fact that I am catching up on a month's worth of This American Life Episodes and just finished the Inauguration Show one. Yes, Barack Obama is pretty cool. But more importantly, Keri Hilson might actually have a hit on her hands.
You don't think you know her, but you actually do. She's that lady on Timbaland's grammatically-incorrect "The Way I Are," and Keri Hilson is totally okay with reminding people that the song really is the only reason people might have an interest in her: her video for "Return the Favor," actually begins with a clip of "The Way I Are" that song to jolt the memory of unsuspecting R&B fans.
Anyways, the big deal is that her song "Turnin' Me On" is actually in the Top 40 of the billboard charts. What's annoying is that she had to prostitute her music by getting Lil' Wayne to jump on the track and drop an auto-tuned verse comparing female anatomy to carnivorous aquatic creatures. This is where I would make a joke about that movie "Teeth," but I won't. You're welcome.
"Turnin' Me On" is the third video she's released in support of her album, In A Perfect World. The problem is, her album hasn't come out yet.
Are you having deja vu as well? Because this reminds me of what happened to lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger (hey, it's easier than "Blagojevich"), who also tried to go solo by doing exactly what she did before, minus the five other back-up dancers that make up the rest of the band. Scherzy made it to four forgettable singles on iTunes before she coughed up a press release explaining how she had a change of heart and how dropping her solo album to focus on PCD's sophomore effort, Doll Domination, was of her own volition.
I wonder how many A&R reps it took to make Nicole Scherzinger swallow her pride.
I am worried that Keri Hilson is headed down that path. There's a big difference, though: Scherzy's singles basically all sucked. "Whatever U Like" was the only one that had promise, but it turned out to be a total rip-off of Kelis's "Blindfold Me" from 2006's Kelis Was Here. Fool! Nobody does it better than Kelis. And what is with these rap producers making identical beats? Where is the creativity?. Polow Da Don, the producer responsible for those two songs, also made the beat for "Turnin' Me On," so maybe he's not all bad.
But anyways, the rest of Scherzy's singles -- Baby Love, Supervillain, and Puakenikeni (Akon gets her in touch with her Hawaiian roots, in case you're wondering) -- are complete and total wastes of megabytes.
Keri has the goods, though. First of all, she's been a songwriter for some odd number of years, and is responsible for one of the greatest pop songs of the millenium, Britney Spears's "Gimme More," which makes her a winner in my book.
Second, her three singles could take down Nicole Scherzinger's entire catalogue any day of the week. Blindfolded, too. Take a look for yourself:
RETURN THE FAVOR (featuring Timbaland -- of course!):
ENERGY:
TURNIN' ME ON (featuring Lil' Wayne):
I have to say, though -- the parts where Keri's in the pink dress in the "Return The Favor" video look nearly identical to Rihanna's own pink-dress moments in "S.O.S." Gosh, I have such a good eye for these things. At least she didn't copy a Pussycat, though.
January 31, 2009
January 23, 2009
Out of This World
I might as well just call this blog What Would Sasha Fierce Do? because everything I seem to write comes back to her.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
January 20, 2009
From Across The Pond
I like VV Brown. She seems like a nice wholesome girl. I predict no fits of crazy, no alcoholism, no rehab, none of that jazz. Just good songs like the one you just heard, "Leave." She's a smart one too, could have gone to Oxford apparently, but turned it all down to make music. Fool! Maybe she is crazy.
VV is like the U.K. version of Janelle Monáe, who is even crazier than VV because she wrote her entire album about being a robot from outer space in intergalactic hot pursuit by the humans. Yeah, that kind of crazy. I kinda wanna be an android now.
Anyway, I still don't understand why Diddy signed Janelle to his label. That's the first display of taste since he tried to sign Missy Elliott in 1996, and that was 13 years ago! I can tell Diddy has no clue what to do with Janelle. She's too out of the box, which is why I fear for her career in the states. They need to ship her over to the U.K. as soon as possible because that's where the likes of VV Brown can stay safe from record labels who don't stand behind their artists.
Speaking of being out of the box, why is that U.K. pop stars think they can stuff themselves inside multi-colored boxes for their video treatments like Robyn's "Handle Me" never even happened? That video is so mind-blowing it's been permanently burned into my retinas. I'm surprised nobody's called VV out on this one.
Robyn, however, has class and won't call you a tranny when her feelings are hurt, like Christina Aguilera did when people pointed out she copied Lady Gaga's look. Double fool! I know Xtina didn't do that on purpose, since she's too busy trying to copy Goldfrapp instead (she's actually working with G-frapp on her next record -- I called it!), but seriously, pop stars need to keep an eye on what other pop stars do so they don't get in situations like these. It's a jungle out there, and that's like the principle rule of survival. Gosh, I should just be an A&R person. I would offer free seminars on how to not act like a bitch when you stop paying attention to trends.
Video aside, the other issue I have with VV is her name. Her first name isn't really a name at all, it's just an upside-down Motorola logo, and I can't stop thinking about that every time her song comes on. VV is a pretty catchy first name, though. How many people do you know named VV? Time to up the VV quota on your Facebook, no doubt. But still -- it's a cellphone logo. I would have been fine with Vivi, short for Vivian, even if her first name is Vanessa and even if Vivi is the name of the black mage from Final Fantasy VIII. But I wouldn't be surprised if VV played all those magic warlock video games -- she writes songs for the Pussycat Dolls and the Sugababes under the pseudonym "Geeki," which is a big red flag for nerd-status if I ever did see one.
January 18, 2009
Gagavision
Bow down, bitches. Sasha Fierce must be flipping her shit right now because her majesty Lady Gaga is about to out-fierce her.
Usually it's quite normal to see origami cocaine crystals cascading (isn't that the best alliteration you've heard all year?) down the side of Gaga's face and dress, but much like with her latex catsuit and shoulder pads look she was rocking months ago, our dear friend Gaga has moved on, taking the cocaine motif from the white, life-styles-of-the-rich-and-famous form to its heavy-metal crack form. This is from her London club show at G-A-Y from a night or two ago:
This outfit is also comes with no pants:
I've come along way from thinking Gaga was the tranny version of Donatella Versace. Now sometimes at night I imagine that I too will wear drug-inspired outfits and side-ways walk down the street in pursuit of the disco stick:
Lately my informants from across the pond have tried to draw a lot of Gwen Stefani comparisons: white girl in a giant musical game of Twister (right hand in pop, left foot on hip hop, right foot in rock) with expensive shades and a knack for fashion too expensive to buy, too labor-intensive to make yourself. And although Gaga has yet to parade around a group of Japanese twenty-somethings, am I the only one who noticed all of her dancers and much of her band in the Leno performance were black?
With the exception of race-casting your crew (I'll never be a part of the Haüs of Gaga at this rate), I fail to see a problem with more Gwen or Gaga in the world.
Fortunately Gwen decided to cut the dance party a little short to make adorable, adorable babies, so I don't have to choose between them. Can you imagine that? I'd be going Rumplestiltskin on that shit, tearing myself in two.
But Gaga never stops the party. In the words of my favorite physicist, Kate Jones-Smith, "Sometimes you have to party round the clock, sometimes you have to take the party home with you at night. Sometimes you have to stay up, all night, maintaining the party. You gotta be able to party even when there's no one watching over your shoulder. No 'party deadline' looming."
Case study: look at what she wears during the day. And to the airport, no less! Talk about taking the party home with you. At least she didn't have the origami crack poking out the side of her face. I'd have to give up my coveted aisle seat to make sure my eyeballs don't get poked out, provided I hadn't already been blinded by the light reflecting off her bangs.
And for those cold winter mornings in London? Flesh-colored tights!
Fun fact of the day: Gaga's middle name is Stefani. And that sound you're hearing? It is the sound of the stars aligning.
Usually it's quite normal to see origami cocaine crystals cascading (isn't that the best alliteration you've heard all year?) down the side of Gaga's face and dress, but much like with her latex catsuit and shoulder pads look she was rocking months ago, our dear friend Gaga has moved on, taking the cocaine motif from the white, life-styles-of-the-rich-and-famous form to its heavy-metal crack form. This is from her London club show at G-A-Y from a night or two ago:
This outfit is also comes with no pants:
I've come along way from thinking Gaga was the tranny version of Donatella Versace. Now sometimes at night I imagine that I too will wear drug-inspired outfits and side-ways walk down the street in pursuit of the disco stick:
Lately my informants from across the pond have tried to draw a lot of Gwen Stefani comparisons: white girl in a giant musical game of Twister (right hand in pop, left foot on hip hop, right foot in rock) with expensive shades and a knack for fashion too expensive to buy, too labor-intensive to make yourself. And although Gaga has yet to parade around a group of Japanese twenty-somethings, am I the only one who noticed all of her dancers and much of her band in the Leno performance were black?
With the exception of race-casting your crew (I'll never be a part of the Haüs of Gaga at this rate), I fail to see a problem with more Gwen or Gaga in the world.
Fortunately Gwen decided to cut the dance party a little short to make adorable, adorable babies, so I don't have to choose between them. Can you imagine that? I'd be going Rumplestiltskin on that shit, tearing myself in two.
But Gaga never stops the party. In the words of my favorite physicist, Kate Jones-Smith, "Sometimes you have to party round the clock, sometimes you have to take the party home with you at night. Sometimes you have to stay up, all night, maintaining the party. You gotta be able to party even when there's no one watching over your shoulder. No 'party deadline' looming."
Case study: look at what she wears during the day. And to the airport, no less! Talk about taking the party home with you. At least she didn't have the origami crack poking out the side of her face. I'd have to give up my coveted aisle seat to make sure my eyeballs don't get poked out, provided I hadn't already been blinded by the light reflecting off her bangs.
And for those cold winter mornings in London? Flesh-colored tights!
Fun fact of the day: Gaga's middle name is Stefani. And that sound you're hearing? It is the sound of the stars aligning.
January 16, 2009
When I Say "Bad" I Mean "Good"
"We really like pop songs like Justin and Nelly Furtado, Gwen and Kylie Minogue. This is what put us together, all those pop songs. We used to have a party and we used to play all those songs, like Eurotrash. I think that's what put us together. This is our main influence. Like Dance crappy songs and pop music. I say crappy but I really like it. I know you do, too."
That's basically the story of my life right there, as told by Lovefoxxx, my BFF and front-woman of Brazilian electro-rock outfit CSS (or Cansei De Ser Sexy for the acronym-challenged) at the Indian Summer Festival in 2006. With people like her in the world, I have no need to educate the masses on value of pop music. This blog may be called Bad Pop Music, but who am I kidding? You know just as well as I do that there's no such thing! I call it that just to rope in the skeptics before I hit them with the one-two punch of sparkly glitter and bubble gum and show them the error of their ways.
And just so ya'll know, Cansei De Ser Sexy is Portuguese for "Tired of Being Sexy," which is something our very own Beyoncé actually said in an interview back in her "Crazy In Love" days. You know, before Sasha Fierce took over and started calling the shots (UPGRADE). Sasha Fierce never gets tired of being sexy. Duh.
Here now is one of the highlights of 2008 for pop songs (and while we're at it, music video direction -- this is like a low-budget, acid trip version of "Single Ladies), CSS's Left Behind:
That's basically the story of my life right there, as told by Lovefoxxx, my BFF and front-woman of Brazilian electro-rock outfit CSS (or Cansei De Ser Sexy for the acronym-challenged) at the Indian Summer Festival in 2006. With people like her in the world, I have no need to educate the masses on value of pop music. This blog may be called Bad Pop Music, but who am I kidding? You know just as well as I do that there's no such thing! I call it that just to rope in the skeptics before I hit them with the one-two punch of sparkly glitter and bubble gum and show them the error of their ways.
And just so ya'll know, Cansei De Ser Sexy is Portuguese for "Tired of Being Sexy," which is something our very own Beyoncé actually said in an interview back in her "Crazy In Love" days. You know, before Sasha Fierce took over and started calling the shots (UPGRADE). Sasha Fierce never gets tired of being sexy. Duh.
Here now is one of the highlights of 2008 for pop songs (and while we're at it, music video direction -- this is like a low-budget, acid trip version of "Single Ladies), CSS's Left Behind:
January 15, 2009
Since She Been Gone
None of us really noticed, but Katy Perry totally took Kelly Clarkson's thunder in the blink of an eye. Think about it: that void in your heart where angsty MTV anthem "Behind These Hazel Eyes" used to be is now occupied by Warped-Tour-approved flirtations with faux-bisexuality. I'm having trouble deciding which I want more. Aren't you?
Anyways, "My Life Would Suck Without You" is basically the musical lovechild of Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold." And without being too graphic, I will say that I am quite serious with my lovechild word choice. Am I the only one who pictures little MP3 files rolling around on the floor? How else would her single cover have her dressed in nothing but candy wrappers? I bet she couldn't find her clothes underneath all the candy wrappers it took to get the shot. Probably went through like a dozen lollipops just to get the sparkle right.
Oh God, I think I just called K-Clark a skank? That's not nice. I should be kinder to Kelly Clarkson. She can sing quite well, or rather, girl can sang. And the song itself is not that bad -- after all, I thoroughly enjoyed "Since U Been Gone" and "Hot 'n' Cold," and apparently, so did the rest of America. So I wouldn't be surprised if this single goes to numero uno and K-Clark reclaims her throne. But you know Perry is going to be snickering in the background since her left-over tracks might end up on K-Clark's new disc, All I Ever Wanted. That's right, all she ever wanted was an unreleased Katy Perry B-Side. Dream big, Kelly! I suppose this is the price you pay for working with the exact same producers.
Not that I really have too much time to predict which pop start will reign in the end. I'm too busy trying to get over how much Katy Perry looks like actress and Northwestern drop-out Zooey Deschanel, whose own album with band She & Him, Volume One, could take on Kelly and Katy blindfolded with its hands behind its back.
I won't say too much about how that fight would go down. I'm already one step away from turning this post into an episode of A Double Shot At Love. And God knows we don't want that. Right?
But before I go: Damn, Kelly! You got hit with the Photoshop stick.
Anyways, "My Life Would Suck Without You" is basically the musical lovechild of Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold." And without being too graphic, I will say that I am quite serious with my lovechild word choice. Am I the only one who pictures little MP3 files rolling around on the floor? How else would her single cover have her dressed in nothing but candy wrappers? I bet she couldn't find her clothes underneath all the candy wrappers it took to get the shot. Probably went through like a dozen lollipops just to get the sparkle right.
Oh God, I think I just called K-Clark a skank? That's not nice. I should be kinder to Kelly Clarkson. She can sing quite well, or rather, girl can sang. And the song itself is not that bad -- after all, I thoroughly enjoyed "Since U Been Gone" and "Hot 'n' Cold," and apparently, so did the rest of America. So I wouldn't be surprised if this single goes to numero uno and K-Clark reclaims her throne. But you know Perry is going to be snickering in the background since her left-over tracks might end up on K-Clark's new disc, All I Ever Wanted. That's right, all she ever wanted was an unreleased Katy Perry B-Side. Dream big, Kelly! I suppose this is the price you pay for working with the exact same producers.
Not that I really have too much time to predict which pop start will reign in the end. I'm too busy trying to get over how much Katy Perry looks like actress and Northwestern drop-out Zooey Deschanel, whose own album with band She & Him, Volume One, could take on Kelly and Katy blindfolded with its hands behind its back.
I won't say too much about how that fight would go down. I'm already one step away from turning this post into an episode of A Double Shot At Love. And God knows we don't want that. Right?
But before I go: Damn, Kelly! You got hit with the Photoshop stick.
Divas Gettin' Money
I like Lily Allen a lot. I get very defensive when people talk smack about her because deep down inside I wish she was my BFF. She's back with a new album next month, It's Not Me, It's You, but the first single, "The Fear," which has been floating around on her MySpace for quite sometime, is enough to keep me busy until then. I have to say, Lily kinda works it in this video like Wednesday Adams at a gay bar, with a lit bit of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka thrown in for good measure. It doesn't get much better than that. And look at those bangs! You could cut your hand on them, that's how sharp they are.
Sasha Fierce could kick Beyoncé's ass in a second. Beyoncé doesn't have shades like these -- I wonder, when Sasha turns her head too fast, does she poke her eyes?. I should probably wonder if she can even really see through them. Anyways, "Diva" doesn't have the massive coordinated dance routine that "Single Ladies" did, nor will it spawn probably as many spin-offs, but it does have two faceless back-up dancers straight out of Santogold video. Of course, I can't help but remember that Lady Gaga did the no-pants cat-suit and the shoulder pads way before Ms. Fierce forced herself out of Beyoncé's ego, but who's keeping score?
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