Maybe I'm crazy for noticing this

This is her normal voice, as far as I know. It's one of my favorite interviews with her, because it sounds like she works really hard and has some cool ideas, despite a little to moderate amounts of pretension. But she has a good attitude, mostly. Even if it is 100% ridiculous.


But then sometimes she pulls out a fake Australian accent. Don't know who she's trying to fool with this one, but she only does it in Australia. I wonder what goes on inside her head.


Now here she is as a fembot. Let me tell you, I watch a lot of Lady GaGa interviews, and I've noticed that very recently she's started doing interviews in this high-pitched, unenthusiastic voice. It's slightly unsettling, but compared to the first video, it's also a little uninteresting. I'm not going to lie, I don't really like this new GaGa.

I really don't like the DJ in that interview. Who says black guys can't like Lady GaGa? Besides, he sounds like he took a hit of speed before he talked to her.

Haha hehe haha ho

If you don't know by now, "If U Seek Amy," the third single off the certified-platinum album #6, Circus, basically spells out "F.U.C.K. Me." It's not everyday that Britney could get away with releasing a video like this. She sure is looking great these days -- remember when she was more like this? I think it's safe to say nobody wanted to Seek her back then.

She's been rehearsing enough for her tour now that the awkward, unflattering choreography designed to ease her back in to a life of gyrations and stripper poles is now a bit below her. Her team might have edited "Womanizer" to make it look more like she did more dancing than she was perhaps capable of, but I think she's ready for her next "Me Against the Music."

You really have to love the newscaster bit -- especially with the final line, "It doesn't make any sense, does it?" There's really nothing about this video that makes much sense. In what is essentially a strip-tease in reverse, Britney rolls out of bed after a night of assumed debauchery, prances around in a corset three sizes too small, and then magically turns into a a Stepford wife before going out to greet the paparazi. Is Amy the skanky Britney? Or is Amy the pie-baking Barbie doll? Does everybody want to see the goodie-two-shoes or are we all after the freak?

Damn. Who Britney was capable of such hardcore literary analysis?

The best part, though, is when Stepford Britney picks up the pie, smells it, winks, and dives right back into singing about how everybody wants to do her. You can't direct or edit that type of stuff in -- that's a pro at work. Makes sense, considering the video treatment was all her idea. Honestly, though, I think this video had the potential for some serious United-States-of-Tara action. Looking hot and dancing provocatively isn't particular groundbreaking.

(P.S. Those shoes set off the fierce alarm.)

...and this is my haus.

Can anybody exlpain how this song managed to get skipped over for The Fame?



A few of you might recognize this track from her short film, The Fame, Part One. Normally I'd say this song would leak any day now, but something tells me Gaga keeps this one locked up in diamond safe overseas. Anyway, while the whole piano shtick is hardly new at this point, she's rarely been this growly or this shouty. Even under the most superficial sugar exteriors, there is a riot grrrl inside us all. Hah, just kidding. Riot grrls would disown the movement if it involved doing half the things she did on stage. And this is after she gave up using hair spray and lighters to set leopard-print G-strings on fire.

(Have to say though, her new hair is looking a little Gwen circa December 2006.)

Oh, and did you hear? She's going on tour! Sorry to break hearts out there, but I've found out the hard way that a lot of these shows are 21+. Fooled me again!

THE FAME BALL TOUR
March 12, 2009 - San Diego, United States House of Blues
March 13, 2009 - Los Angeles, Wiltern Theatre
March 14, 2009 - San Francisco, Mezzanine
March 16, 2009 - Seattle, Showbox at the Market
March 17, 2009 - Portland, Wonder Ballroom
March 18, 2009 - Vancouver, Canada Commodore Ballroom
March 21, 2009 - Denver, Gothic Theater
March 23, 2009 - Minneapolis, Fine Line Music Cafe
March 24, 2009 - Chicago, House of Blues
March 25, 2009 - Royal Oak, Royal Oak Music Theatre
March 26, 2009 - Kitchener, Canada Elements Nightclub
March 27, 2009 - Ottawa, Bronson Centre
March 28, 2009 - Montreal, Metropolis
March 30, 2009 - Boston, House of Blues
March 31, 2009 - New York, Terminal 5
April 1, 2009 - Philadelphia, Electric Factory
April 2, 2009 - D.C., 9:30 Club
April 3, 2009 - Richmond, Toad's Place
April 6, 2009 - Orlando, House of Blues
April 7, 2009 - Tampa, The Ritz Ybor
April 8, 2009 - Ft. Lauderdale, Revolution
April 9, 2009 - Atlanta, Center Stage
April 11, 2009 - Palm Springs, Palm Springs Convention Center

Here's a clip from opening night (all the flashing lights remind me of my Pokémon -- someone's going to seize up in those strobe lights:



Personally, I can't wait until she has enough money to afford an arena tour like this (that would give Madonna a run for her money, although nothing can top this):

She's back!

I told myself I wouldn't peak, but I couldn't help myself. I looked, I liked, and I don't know where to begin? The sex hair? The inflatable hammers? The fact that she's smiling? I have some issues with the choreography -- I think some parts are less than flattering -- but I would play Whack-A-Mole with her any day.

Divas Gettin' Money, Round 2

Remember when I told you that creativity was dead? I forgot to add Ciara to the list of perpetrators.

Spending my Friday night on Wikipedia as per usual, I happened to stumble upon this little blurb about Ciara's upcoming album: "Fantasy Ride introduces Ciara's comic book character, Super C. Ciara said that Super C is a character she becomes when she performs onstage and in her music videos. The Super C character is set to become a major factor in Fantasy Ride promotion. She is a futuristic superhero-esque Ciara, based on the robotic character Ciara portrayed in the "Go Girl" music video."

Does that ring any bells?

SASHA FIERCE. Duh.

Having an R&B alter ego is sooooo 2008. Ciara could just name her album "I Follow Trends" and nobody would notice. I don't care if Ciara spent over nine months designing the artwork with comic artist Bernard Chang -- rule number one in pop music is that it doesn't matter when you start something, the only thing that counts is when you show it to people. I am sure the idea for "Super C" was perhaps the only lightbulb that has ever gone off inside her head that her record label would actually pay for.

But seriously, this has Sasha Fierce written all over it. Just compare her space robot costume in "Go Girl" to Sasha's outfit in "Diva." Yeah, the music video came out in October, a little bit before I Am Sasha Fierce hit shelves. But A) Super C had yet to be unveiled and B) I actually bought the Sasha Fierce album. Ciara doesn't even have a release date.

Which brings me to the number two rule in pop music: rule number one can be overruled if your song is totally boss. Besides the whole not-having-a-release-date-because-your-single-sucks piece of evidence, you can also look at Ciara's oh-so-entertaining cover of Sasha Fierce's "Diva." That's the straw that broke the camel's back, where the camel is Ciara's credibility.

I actually had a glimmer of hope for Ciara when I heard the next single off the album, "Never Ever," which features Young Jeezy, who apparently is still relevant. This is a slow song that actually sounded good enough for me to shell out a dollar on iTunes.

Then I found out the entire chorus is sampled from this song. Epic fail.

While Ciara searches for a release date I'm happy to report that Keri Hilson finally got one! What's her secret, you might ask? Well, for you and Ciara's information, she wrote a song that didn't suck and was completely original. That's hard to come by these days, isn't it?

Here's the tracklisting for In A Perfect World, which drops on the 24th of this month:

1. In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin Me On (featuring Lil Wayne)
3. Get Your Money Up (featuring Keyshia Cole & Trina)
4. Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
5. Knock You Down (featuring Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
6. Slow Dance
7. Make Love
8. Intuition
9. How Does It Feel?
10. Hey Girl (featuring T-Pain & Lil Jon)
11. Alienated
12. Tell Him the Truth
13. Change Me (featuring Akon)
14. Energy
15. Where Did He Go

I managed to get my hands on a little sampler of the album. "Slow Dance" is basically what a well-written Ciara slow song would look like if it existed and if Ciara could sing better. I'm pretty positive "Change Me" is a re-titled version of the leaked version of "Mic Check," and "Knock You Down" is a cheerful, bouncy synth-jam. Good for spring, no? "Alienated," an album highlight, is a total space jam in the best way possible. Can't wait.

Boom Boom No.

The Black Eyed Peas are back -- did you miss them? While I'm trying to figure out how to answer that question, I'm going to just go ahead and say that their new song "Boom Boom Pow" is a hot tranny mess.

If you haven't guessed by the title, will.i.am's hip hop vocabulary is slowly regressing into that of a toddler's. I'm sure their next song will be something like "Goo gaga" where he'll just moan and dream of slobbering all over his baby food jars. That's a little harsh, but seriously, this track and his lyrics are so half-assed that even Fergie-haters will be glad to hear Fergie pop up 45-seconds in and save the song with her "I'm so 3008 / you so 2000-and-late" lyric that is so laughable you can't help but enjoy it, kinda like her solo career. The song kinda spaces out a couple minutes into it's 4:13 running time, and while that sounds promising in theory, let me assure you, it is no Planet Rock.

Auto-tune shows up again. I think I've said enough about how I feel about autotune, but seriously, when the Black Eyed Peas start copying T-Pain, you better raise the terror alert of pop as high as it can go. Auto-tune makes Fergie sounds worse than she is! It's injustices like these that make it hard to remember their glory days. Songs like "Hey Mama," as dated as it sounds, was pretty out there (in a good way) for 2003.

Speaking of auto-tune, have you heard about Lil Wayne's rock album? It's batshit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix's attempt at a rap career. But I actually don't mind the auto-tune on this part, mainly because Lil Wayne is making a real rock album (with real drums!), and that deserves some redeeming brownie points, right? He doesn't really rap or sing, he kind of just talks aimlessly like he just finished his morning bowl of frosted flakes and cough syrup. It's a bit endearing, like feeding your dog peanut butter and watching it lick its face for ever.

Everybody's Doing It

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have been filling up their pop quota quite a bit lately, which is great because if there's two things I love in the world, they would certainly be pop music and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. For some fans of Karen O. & Co., the prominent use of synthesizer in the trio's batch of new songs from the upcoming album, It's Blitz, is some what blasphemous, much like attending a Britney Spears concert on Easter Sunday (which I totally will be doing). But honestly, there's no other way we'd rather celebrate.

Lead single "Zero" was a little underwhelming, since it sounds a bit like an out-of-place YouTube mash-up (and any Goldfrapp comparisons are just people being lazy -- there are other electro-rock dance bands out there, FYI) and takes a bit too long to get the party started (dance music requires party-starting capabilities). But the next leaked track, "Heads Will Roll" is a significant improvement. While "Zero" had weird stuttering feedback-y synthesizers, the instruments on "Heads Will Roll" comfortably exist between a Killers remix album and a Halloween garage rave. Too bad Halloween seems as far away as the YYY album release date (April 14th).

Karen O. also made an appearance on the new N.A.S.A. album, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering Squeak E. Clean, one half of N.A.S.A. and sibling of director Spike Jonez (who directed YYY's "Y Control" video) also produced the band's 2006 disc, Show Your Bones.

I'm not quite sure why N.A.S.A. hasn't been sued yet by the real National Aeronautics and Space Administration yet, but in the meantime, the new N.A.S.A. (North America South America) has just dropped, without much warning or little publicity, their debut release, the Spirit of Apollo.

The album sounds a bit like the noise made when my head explodes, because when you put CSS's Lovefoxx and bad-ass MC Amanda Blank one track, that's usually what happens. Although you can barely hear Lovefoxxx on that song, "A Volta," there are plenty of other name-dropping collaborations (Tom Waits, the Cool Kids, E-40, Method Man, and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, just to name a few) to let your jaw hit the floor.

"Wachadoin?" managed to cram the ever-nasty Spank Rock, new mom M.I.A., YYY guitarist Nick Zinner, and the recently legal-troubled Santigold onto one track. Before you run to the comment box to correct me on my spelling, you should know that the legal musical entity Santogold is no longer in existence, and if you need any proof, just park yourself over at her old MySpace. Somebody on Stereogum, which kept me up-to-date on the all the legal junk, said it best when he or she described the incident as "bad news for audio scrobblers." Something tells me that's the least of Ms. Santi's worries right now, though.

Anyway, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Santogold also shows up with Kanye West and Lykki Li on "Gifted," which is another boss cut of epic startstruck proportions. I'm telling you, the N.A.S.A. collective is going to infiltrate pop music. M.I.A.'s rhymes in "Paper Planes" were already sampled ad nauseum in the Kanye/Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne jam "Swagga Like Us," and Santi's line from "Shove It" gets a lot of air time in Jay-Z's contribution to the Notorious Soundtrack, "Brooklyn We Go Hard." I guess it's not that special when you notice that Kanye produced both tracks, but this type of thing gets me excited. Now all we need are the Amanda Blank and Kid Sister albums to drop and we'll be good to go.

Reasons Why I Love the New Gaga Video...

Today was a glorious day because Lady Gaga decided to grace us with her audiovisual presence once again. To celebrate the release of the "Lovegame" video, I decided to come with a little list as to why this borderline-pornographic video is so awesome.

10. Her back-up dancers look like the village people.

9. Her hair isn't fake this time.

8. She actually brings out her magic wand, the Disco Stick, which makes the line, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick" slightly less dirty.

7. She basically is naked for half the video, which takes back what I just said about anything being slightly less dirty.

6. While hanging from the ceiling of a subway car, her white leather catsuit magically turns into a black leather jacket, fishnet stockings, and chain-mail panties.

5. There are dance routines on stairs and on top of cars. That's a recipe for success if I ever saw one.

4. After basically getting arrested, she decides to screw the cop instead. While other video pop stars would then proceed to kick said cop's ass a la "Womanizer," Gaga just does it for kicks. Skanky, skanky, kicks.

3. Said cop eventually turns into a woman. You might miss it the first time, but it happens.

2. The awkward crotch-grabbing dance in the last five seconds of the video.

1. She has glasses made out of a chain-link fence. Pointless, but you never would have thought of that.

Doesn't that list of things sound enticing? Check out the video if you didn't the first time.

Once you pop...the fun stops.

Pussycat Dolls decided that now would be a good time to drop their new music video for "Bottle Pop." It's quite the let down, since the shots of the girls drinking soda are neither sexy nor are they getting paid for product placement. Soda cans are also not bottles -- I'm surprised they even got that far. And don't even get me started on their make-up. They look like Mike Tyson. Beautiful.

Also, the trailer clip for this video had shots of the girls climbing all up and down the balconies of the empty theatre this video takes place in. Where are those shots? I don't want to see PCD stand around gyrate. I want to see them trespass, damnit!

In terms of the song itself, it's not bad, at least relative to half the shit that's on flop-of-the-year Doll Domination. It's produced by Fernando Garibay, who did Britney Spears' two Circus bonus tracks, "Amnesia" and the Lady-Gaga-penned "Quicksand," both of which are some of the best pop songs of 2008. So "Bottle Pop" has some promise. Sadly, "Bottle Pop" is about as lifeless as inflatable Pussycat Doll (that's not entirely true, it's a good song to the gym too -- but only then!). The album version has Snoop Dogg on it, which is a little weird, since corporate labels usually like to have the rapper be on the single version in hopes of extorting money out of obsessive iTunes collectors who must have everything. Who is running Universal these days?

I still think the girls or whoever is managing / destroying their careers should release "Elevator" as a single. Unlike the other singles from Doll Domination, it has interesting production, commendable song-writing, and is much catchier than "Watcha Think About That" (Missy Elliott saves that song from certain death -- she makes a Katy Perry reference!).

But it probably won't be a single because one of the other Dolls sings vocals on it. OMG. What, do they think we're going to be confused? It's not like we didn't notice Melody, Kim, Jessica, and Ashley awkwardly dancing there. Either that, or Nicole Scherzinger is screwing their manager. Work that casting couch, girlfriend! Put those girls in their place.

On the bright side, when they tour with Britney Spears this year, everyone will like them again because Britney has the midas touch in pop music. If "Bottle Pop" was actually "Bottle Pop (featuring Britney Spears)" it would go to number one world-wide faster than you can avert your daughter's eyes from all the skankiness!

Grammy Wrap-Up 2009

RECORD OF THE YEAR:
Record of the year is an "award to the artist and to the producer(s), recording engineer(s) and/or mixer(s), if other than the artist," in case you're wondering. I was tempted to put my favor in support of "Paper Planes," since nobody made cash registers sound as cool as Diplo and Switch did, but on the other hand, I also see Record of the Year as sort of a consolation prize for artists who never had a chance at song of the year, like Leona Lewis. This boggles my mind, as my radio was held hostage by "Bleeding Love" several times in the past twelve months. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant managed to take this won home.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Considering Coldplay's Viva La Vida is the only album from this category that I own, I cannot help but express my disappointment that it did not win.

SONG OF THE YEAR:
I think Coldplay rightly deserved this one for "Viva La Vida." That song is pretty epic, with all those drums and strings and talks of ruling the world. Fun fact: there's a breakfast place in Evanston, Illinois called Clarke's that serves Viva La Blueberry pancakes. They are quite delicious.

BEST NEW ARTIST:
Lady Gaga...not. I don't know how she managed to not get nominated, considering the Jonas Brothers have released three albums already (Grammy Awards have a long history of doing this...remember when they nominated Imogen Heap a couple years ago, even though she released her first album in the late 1990s?).
I really wanted Jazmine Sullivan to win, but I realized that Adele is pretty awesome, too. I would have been happy with either.

BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS:
I never actually listened to the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss record, nor do I plan on it, but seriously, I want to give it to Alicia Keys on this one since she was totally snubbed from the Grammies this year. Usually she basically dominates the Grammies -- and with a song like "No One," she totally should have, even though the song nominated in this category was "Lesson Learned" with John Mayer (major tool).

BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM:
Duffy won, which, although not what I wanted, is totally okay. I think we should give her something. I mean, her voice is kinda nasally, and I actually think Adele has a more pleasant voice, but then I remembered I only have one Adele song on iTunes that was a free download, compared to the $2.97 I spent on various Duffy songs.

BEST DANCE RECORDING:
"Harder Better Faster Stronger" won. No, not Kanye West's "Stronger," this is the actually Daft Punk song. Can I just have a little WTF moment here? That song came out like eight years ago. This was just the live version winning a Grammy....why didn't they give this song the Grammy when it first came out instead of passing over people Lady Gaga or Sam Sparrow ("Black and Gold" is the shit, ya'll). These Grammy people need to be smacked in the face with a Disco stick.

BEST ELECTRONIC/DANCE ALBUM:
Daft Punk wins again for the album, "Alive 2007." It came out towards the end of '07, so it didn't qualify for last year's Grammies, but that doesn't change the fact that
Robyn did not take this one home.

BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY DUO OR GROUP:
Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" wins. Finally, things are going my way again. Is there a Grammy Award for Coolest Song Title of the Bunch, too?

BEST ROCK SONG:
This one went to "Girls in Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen. I basically own every song in this category except the one that won, but you must always, always concede victory to the Boss. 'Tis the law.

BEST ROCK ALBUM:
I didn't get to vote on the Grammies this year because I don't get paid to kiss Chris Martin's ass for a living, but I believe Coldplay deserves this one.

BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Radiohead wins, but honestly, I am getting really sick of them (their concert merchandise, on the other hand, is worth every penny). The only thing alternative about this album was how you could pay whatever you wanted for it. Beck, Death Cab, or Gnarls Barkley could have been better.

BEST FEMALE R&B VOCAL PERFORMANCE:
Alicia Keys won for "Superwoman," which would have been fine were superwoman not such a sucky song (does nobody remember "No One?"). My pick was Jazmine Sullivan, as "Need U Bad" is a little bit great.

BEST URBAN/ALTERNATIVE PERFORMANCE
This is such a random category. Anyway, Chrisette Michele (featuring the ubiquitous will.i.am) won for "Be Okay." I don't mind Christette Michele. Can't say a bad thing about her. But I was hoping deep down inside that Janelle Monae might snag a grammy. The crazy ones never win, though, do they.

BEST R&B ALBUM:
J-Hud is pretty awesome. I don't really have anything to say about this other than "Yaaaaaaay J-Hud." But I felt the need to include it in my coverage. Did you know that she's engaged to Punkie from I Love New York 2?

BEST RAP SOLO PERFORMANCE:
Lil Wayne wins for A Milli. I guess I take it back -- the crazy ones do win occasionally. But Lil Wayne is bad crazy, at least on this record (and on his new disaster, "Prom Queen"), as he sounded quite lucid during his Katie Couric interview the other day.

BEST RAP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR A GROUP:
Too bad M.I.A. didn't give birth on stage ("Swagga Like Us," by Jay-Z, T.I. Kanye, and Lil Wayne, which won this category, sampled one her rhymes from "Paper Planes"). That would have been amazing.

BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION:
My thoughts on Estelle winning? I was going to go for "Low," since that chorus is on my mind all the time. Then I realized that you can't really call anything T-Pain does "singing."

BEST RAP ALBUM:
Obviously it was gonna go to Lil Wayne, since he is the only rap album nominated for Album of the Year. But I thought T.I.'s Paper Trail put up a good fight.