March 8, 2009
She's back!
I told myself I wouldn't peak, but I couldn't help myself. I looked, I liked, and I don't know where to begin? The sex hair? The inflatable hammers? The fact that she's smiling? I have some issues with the choreography -- I think some parts are less than flattering -- but I would play Whack-A-Mole with her any day.
March 7, 2009
Divas Gettin' Money, Round 2
Remember when I told you that creativity was dead? I forgot to add Ciara to the list of perpetrators.
Spending my Friday night on Wikipedia as per usual, I happened to stumble upon this little blurb about Ciara's upcoming album: "Fantasy Ride introduces Ciara's comic book character, Super C. Ciara said that Super C is a character she becomes when she performs onstage and in her music videos. The Super C character is set to become a major factor in Fantasy Ride promotion. She is a futuristic superhero-esque Ciara, based on the robotic character Ciara portrayed in the "Go Girl" music video."
Does that ring any bells?
SASHA FIERCE. Duh.
Having an R&B alter ego is sooooo 2008. Ciara could just name her album "I Follow Trends" and nobody would notice. I don't care if Ciara spent over nine months designing the artwork with comic artist Bernard Chang -- rule number one in pop music is that it doesn't matter when you start something, the only thing that counts is when you show it to people. I am sure the idea for "Super C" was perhaps the only lightbulb that has ever gone off inside her head that her record label would actually pay for.
But seriously, this has Sasha Fierce written all over it. Just compare her space robot costume in "Go Girl" to Sasha's outfit in "Diva." Yeah, the music video came out in October, a little bit before I Am Sasha Fierce hit shelves. But A) Super C had yet to be unveiled and B) I actually bought the Sasha Fierce album. Ciara doesn't even have a release date.
Which brings me to the number two rule in pop music: rule number one can be overruled if your song is totally boss. Besides the whole not-having-a-release-date-because-your-single-sucks piece of evidence, you can also look at Ciara's oh-so-entertaining cover of Sasha Fierce's "Diva." That's the straw that broke the camel's back, where the camel is Ciara's credibility.
I actually had a glimmer of hope for Ciara when I heard the next single off the album, "Never Ever," which features Young Jeezy, who apparently is still relevant. This is a slow song that actually sounded good enough for me to shell out a dollar on iTunes.
Then I found out the entire chorus is sampled from this song. Epic fail.
While Ciara searches for a release date I'm happy to report that Keri Hilson finally got one! What's her secret, you might ask? Well, for you and Ciara's information, she wrote a song that didn't suck and was completely original. That's hard to come by these days, isn't it?
Here's the tracklisting for In A Perfect World, which drops on the 24th of this month:
1. In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin Me On (featuring Lil Wayne)
3. Get Your Money Up (featuring Keyshia Cole & Trina)
4. Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
5. Knock You Down (featuring Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
6. Slow Dance
7. Make Love
8. Intuition
9. How Does It Feel?
10. Hey Girl (featuring T-Pain & Lil Jon)
11. Alienated
12. Tell Him the Truth
13. Change Me (featuring Akon)
14. Energy
15. Where Did He Go
I managed to get my hands on a little sampler of the album. "Slow Dance" is basically what a well-written Ciara slow song would look like if it existed and if Ciara could sing better. I'm pretty positive "Change Me" is a re-titled version of the leaked version of "Mic Check," and "Knock You Down" is a cheerful, bouncy synth-jam. Good for spring, no? "Alienated," an album highlight, is a total space jam in the best way possible. Can't wait.
Spending my Friday night on Wikipedia as per usual, I happened to stumble upon this little blurb about Ciara's upcoming album: "Fantasy Ride introduces Ciara's comic book character, Super C. Ciara said that Super C is a character she becomes when she performs onstage and in her music videos. The Super C character is set to become a major factor in Fantasy Ride promotion. She is a futuristic superhero-esque Ciara, based on the robotic character Ciara portrayed in the "Go Girl" music video."
Does that ring any bells?
SASHA FIERCE. Duh.
Having an R&B alter ego is sooooo 2008. Ciara could just name her album "I Follow Trends" and nobody would notice. I don't care if Ciara spent over nine months designing the artwork with comic artist Bernard Chang -- rule number one in pop music is that it doesn't matter when you start something, the only thing that counts is when you show it to people. I am sure the idea for "Super C" was perhaps the only lightbulb that has ever gone off inside her head that her record label would actually pay for.
But seriously, this has Sasha Fierce written all over it. Just compare her space robot costume in "Go Girl" to Sasha's outfit in "Diva." Yeah, the music video came out in October, a little bit before I Am Sasha Fierce hit shelves. But A) Super C had yet to be unveiled and B) I actually bought the Sasha Fierce album. Ciara doesn't even have a release date.
Which brings me to the number two rule in pop music: rule number one can be overruled if your song is totally boss. Besides the whole not-having-a-release-date-because-your-single-sucks piece of evidence, you can also look at Ciara's oh-so-entertaining cover of Sasha Fierce's "Diva." That's the straw that broke the camel's back, where the camel is Ciara's credibility.
I actually had a glimmer of hope for Ciara when I heard the next single off the album, "Never Ever," which features Young Jeezy, who apparently is still relevant. This is a slow song that actually sounded good enough for me to shell out a dollar on iTunes.
Then I found out the entire chorus is sampled from this song. Epic fail.
While Ciara searches for a release date I'm happy to report that Keri Hilson finally got one! What's her secret, you might ask? Well, for you and Ciara's information, she wrote a song that didn't suck and was completely original. That's hard to come by these days, isn't it?
Here's the tracklisting for In A Perfect World, which drops on the 24th of this month:
1. In A Perfect World (Intro)
2.Turnin Me On (featuring Lil Wayne)
3. Get Your Money Up (featuring Keyshia Cole & Trina)
4. Return the Favor (featuring Timbaland)
5. Knock You Down (featuring Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
6. Slow Dance
7. Make Love
8. Intuition
9. How Does It Feel?
10. Hey Girl (featuring T-Pain & Lil Jon)
11. Alienated
12. Tell Him the Truth
13. Change Me (featuring Akon)
14. Energy
15. Where Did He Go
I managed to get my hands on a little sampler of the album. "Slow Dance" is basically what a well-written Ciara slow song would look like if it existed and if Ciara could sing better. I'm pretty positive "Change Me" is a re-titled version of the leaked version of "Mic Check," and "Knock You Down" is a cheerful, bouncy synth-jam. Good for spring, no? "Alienated," an album highlight, is a total space jam in the best way possible. Can't wait.
Boom Boom No.
The Black Eyed Peas are back -- did you miss them? While I'm trying to figure out how to answer that question, I'm going to just go ahead and say that their new song "Boom Boom Pow" is a hot tranny mess.
If you haven't guessed by the title, will.i.am's hip hop vocabulary is slowly regressing into that of a toddler's. I'm sure their next song will be something like "Goo gaga" where he'll just moan and dream of slobbering all over his baby food jars. That's a little harsh, but seriously, this track and his lyrics are so half-assed that even Fergie-haters will be glad to hear Fergie pop up 45-seconds in and save the song with her "I'm so 3008 / you so 2000-and-late" lyric that is so laughable you can't help but enjoy it, kinda like her solo career. The song kinda spaces out a couple minutes into it's 4:13 running time, and while that sounds promising in theory, let me assure you, it is no Planet Rock.
Auto-tune shows up again. I think I've said enough about how I feel about autotune, but seriously, when the Black Eyed Peas start copying T-Pain, you better raise the terror alert of pop as high as it can go. Auto-tune makes Fergie sounds worse than she is! It's injustices like these that make it hard to remember their glory days. Songs like "Hey Mama," as dated as it sounds, was pretty out there (in a good way) for 2003.
Speaking of auto-tune, have you heard about Lil Wayne's rock album? It's batshit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix's attempt at a rap career. But I actually don't mind the auto-tune on this part, mainly because Lil Wayne is making a real rock album (with real drums!), and that deserves some redeeming brownie points, right? He doesn't really rap or sing, he kind of just talks aimlessly like he just finished his morning bowl of frosted flakes and cough syrup. It's a bit endearing, like feeding your dog peanut butter and watching it lick its face for ever.
If you haven't guessed by the title, will.i.am's hip hop vocabulary is slowly regressing into that of a toddler's. I'm sure their next song will be something like "Goo gaga" where he'll just moan and dream of slobbering all over his baby food jars. That's a little harsh, but seriously, this track and his lyrics are so half-assed that even Fergie-haters will be glad to hear Fergie pop up 45-seconds in and save the song with her "I'm so 3008 / you so 2000-and-late" lyric that is so laughable you can't help but enjoy it, kinda like her solo career. The song kinda spaces out a couple minutes into it's 4:13 running time, and while that sounds promising in theory, let me assure you, it is no Planet Rock.
Auto-tune shows up again. I think I've said enough about how I feel about autotune, but seriously, when the Black Eyed Peas start copying T-Pain, you better raise the terror alert of pop as high as it can go. Auto-tune makes Fergie sounds worse than she is! It's injustices like these that make it hard to remember their glory days. Songs like "Hey Mama," as dated as it sounds, was pretty out there (in a good way) for 2003.
Speaking of auto-tune, have you heard about Lil Wayne's rock album? It's batshit crazy like Joaquin Phoenix's attempt at a rap career. But I actually don't mind the auto-tune on this part, mainly because Lil Wayne is making a real rock album (with real drums!), and that deserves some redeeming brownie points, right? He doesn't really rap or sing, he kind of just talks aimlessly like he just finished his morning bowl of frosted flakes and cough syrup. It's a bit endearing, like feeding your dog peanut butter and watching it lick its face for ever.
February 22, 2009
Everybody's Doing It
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have been filling up their pop quota quite a bit lately, which is great because if there's two things I love in the world, they would certainly be pop music and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. For some fans of Karen O. & Co., the prominent use of synthesizer in the trio's batch of new songs from the upcoming album, It's Blitz, is some what blasphemous, much like attending a Britney Spears concert on Easter Sunday (which I totally will be doing). But honestly, there's no other way we'd rather celebrate.
Lead single "Zero" was a little underwhelming, since it sounds a bit like an out-of-place YouTube mash-up (and any Goldfrapp comparisons are just people being lazy -- there are other electro-rock dance bands out there, FYI) and takes a bit too long to get the party started (dance music requires party-starting capabilities). But the next leaked track, "Heads Will Roll" is a significant improvement. While "Zero" had weird stuttering feedback-y synthesizers, the instruments on "Heads Will Roll" comfortably exist between a Killers remix album and a Halloween garage rave. Too bad Halloween seems as far away as the YYY album release date (April 14th).
Karen O. also made an appearance on the new N.A.S.A. album, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering Squeak E. Clean, one half of N.A.S.A. and sibling of director Spike Jonez (who directed YYY's "Y Control" video) also produced the band's 2006 disc, Show Your Bones.
I'm not quite sure why N.A.S.A. hasn't been sued yet by the real National Aeronautics and Space Administration yet, but in the meantime, the new N.A.S.A. (North America South America) has just dropped, without much warning or little publicity, their debut release, the Spirit of Apollo.
The album sounds a bit like the noise made when my head explodes, because when you put CSS's Lovefoxx and bad-ass MC Amanda Blank one track, that's usually what happens. Although you can barely hear Lovefoxxx on that song, "A Volta," there are plenty of other name-dropping collaborations (Tom Waits, the Cool Kids, E-40, Method Man, and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, just to name a few) to let your jaw hit the floor.
"Wachadoin?" managed to cram the ever-nasty Spank Rock, new mom M.I.A., YYY guitarist Nick Zinner, and the recently legal-troubled Santigold onto one track. Before you run to the comment box to correct me on my spelling, you should know that the legal musical entity Santogold is no longer in existence, and if you need any proof, just park yourself over at her old MySpace. Somebody on Stereogum, which kept me up-to-date on the all the legal junk, said it best when he or she described the incident as "bad news for audio scrobblers." Something tells me that's the least of Ms. Santi's worries right now, though.
Anyway, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Santogold also shows up with Kanye West and Lykki Li on "Gifted," which is another boss cut of epic startstruck proportions. I'm telling you, the N.A.S.A. collective is going to infiltrate pop music. M.I.A.'s rhymes in "Paper Planes" were already sampled ad nauseum in the Kanye/Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne jam "Swagga Like Us," and Santi's line from "Shove It" gets a lot of air time in Jay-Z's contribution to the Notorious Soundtrack, "Brooklyn We Go Hard." I guess it's not that special when you notice that Kanye produced both tracks, but this type of thing gets me excited. Now all we need are the Amanda Blank and Kid Sister albums to drop and we'll be good to go.
Lead single "Zero" was a little underwhelming, since it sounds a bit like an out-of-place YouTube mash-up (and any Goldfrapp comparisons are just people being lazy -- there are other electro-rock dance bands out there, FYI) and takes a bit too long to get the party started (dance music requires party-starting capabilities). But the next leaked track, "Heads Will Roll" is a significant improvement. While "Zero" had weird stuttering feedback-y synthesizers, the instruments on "Heads Will Roll" comfortably exist between a Killers remix album and a Halloween garage rave. Too bad Halloween seems as far away as the YYY album release date (April 14th).
Karen O. also made an appearance on the new N.A.S.A. album, which doesn't surprise me one bit considering Squeak E. Clean, one half of N.A.S.A. and sibling of director Spike Jonez (who directed YYY's "Y Control" video) also produced the band's 2006 disc, Show Your Bones.
I'm not quite sure why N.A.S.A. hasn't been sued yet by the real National Aeronautics and Space Administration yet, but in the meantime, the new N.A.S.A. (North America South America) has just dropped, without much warning or little publicity, their debut release, the Spirit of Apollo.
The album sounds a bit like the noise made when my head explodes, because when you put CSS's Lovefoxx and bad-ass MC Amanda Blank one track, that's usually what happens. Although you can barely hear Lovefoxxx on that song, "A Volta," there are plenty of other name-dropping collaborations (Tom Waits, the Cool Kids, E-40, Method Man, and John Frusciante of Red Hot Chili Pepper fame, just to name a few) to let your jaw hit the floor.
"Wachadoin?" managed to cram the ever-nasty Spank Rock, new mom M.I.A., YYY guitarist Nick Zinner, and the recently legal-troubled Santigold onto one track. Before you run to the comment box to correct me on my spelling, you should know that the legal musical entity Santogold is no longer in existence, and if you need any proof, just park yourself over at her old MySpace. Somebody on Stereogum, which kept me up-to-date on the all the legal junk, said it best when he or she described the incident as "bad news for audio scrobblers." Something tells me that's the least of Ms. Santi's worries right now, though.
Anyway, the-artist-formerly-known-as-Santogold also shows up with Kanye West and Lykki Li on "Gifted," which is another boss cut of epic startstruck proportions. I'm telling you, the N.A.S.A. collective is going to infiltrate pop music. M.I.A.'s rhymes in "Paper Planes" were already sampled ad nauseum in the Kanye/Jay-Z/T.I./Lil Wayne jam "Swagga Like Us," and Santi's line from "Shove It" gets a lot of air time in Jay-Z's contribution to the Notorious Soundtrack, "Brooklyn We Go Hard." I guess it's not that special when you notice that Kanye produced both tracks, but this type of thing gets me excited. Now all we need are the Amanda Blank and Kid Sister albums to drop and we'll be good to go.
February 13, 2009
Reasons Why I Love the New Gaga Video...
Today was a glorious day because Lady Gaga decided to grace us with her audiovisual presence once again. To celebrate the release of the "Lovegame" video, I decided to come with a little list as to why this borderline-pornographic video is so awesome.
10. Her back-up dancers look like the village people.
9. Her hair isn't fake this time.
8. She actually brings out her magic wand, the Disco Stick, which makes the line, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick" slightly less dirty.
7. She basically is naked for half the video, which takes back what I just said about anything being slightly less dirty.
6. While hanging from the ceiling of a subway car, her white leather catsuit magically turns into a black leather jacket, fishnet stockings, and chain-mail panties.
5. There are dance routines on stairs and on top of cars. That's a recipe for success if I ever saw one.
4. After basically getting arrested, she decides to screw the cop instead. While other video pop stars would then proceed to kick said cop's ass a la "Womanizer," Gaga just does it for kicks. Skanky, skanky, kicks.
3. Said cop eventually turns into a woman. You might miss it the first time, but it happens.
2. The awkward crotch-grabbing dance in the last five seconds of the video.
1. She has glasses made out of a chain-link fence. Pointless, but you never would have thought of that.
Doesn't that list of things sound enticing? Check out the video if you didn't the first time.
10. Her back-up dancers look like the village people.
9. Her hair isn't fake this time.
8. She actually brings out her magic wand, the Disco Stick, which makes the line, "I want to take a ride on your disco stick" slightly less dirty.
7. She basically is naked for half the video, which takes back what I just said about anything being slightly less dirty.
6. While hanging from the ceiling of a subway car, her white leather catsuit magically turns into a black leather jacket, fishnet stockings, and chain-mail panties.
5. There are dance routines on stairs and on top of cars. That's a recipe for success if I ever saw one.
4. After basically getting arrested, she decides to screw the cop instead. While other video pop stars would then proceed to kick said cop's ass a la "Womanizer," Gaga just does it for kicks. Skanky, skanky, kicks.
3. Said cop eventually turns into a woman. You might miss it the first time, but it happens.
2. The awkward crotch-grabbing dance in the last five seconds of the video.
1. She has glasses made out of a chain-link fence. Pointless, but you never would have thought of that.
Doesn't that list of things sound enticing? Check out the video if you didn't the first time.
February 9, 2009
Once you pop...the fun stops.
Pussycat Dolls decided that now would be a good time to drop their new music video for "Bottle Pop." It's quite the let down, since the shots of the girls drinking soda are neither sexy nor are they getting paid for product placement. Soda cans are also not bottles -- I'm surprised they even got that far. And don't even get me started on their make-up. They look like Mike Tyson. Beautiful.
Also, the trailer clip for this video had shots of the girls climbing all up and down the balconies of the empty theatre this video takes place in. Where are those shots? I don't want to see PCD stand around gyrate. I want to see them trespass, damnit!
In terms of the song itself, it's not bad, at least relative to half the shit that's on flop-of-the-year Doll Domination. It's produced by Fernando Garibay, who did Britney Spears' two Circus bonus tracks, "Amnesia" and the Lady-Gaga-penned "Quicksand," both of which are some of the best pop songs of 2008. So "Bottle Pop" has some promise. Sadly, "Bottle Pop" is about as lifeless as inflatable Pussycat Doll (that's not entirely true, it's a good song to the gym too -- but only then!). The album version has Snoop Dogg on it, which is a little weird, since corporate labels usually like to have the rapper be on the single version in hopes of extorting money out of obsessive iTunes collectors who must have everything. Who is running Universal these days?
I still think the girls or whoever is managing / destroying their careers should release "Elevator" as a single. Unlike the other singles from Doll Domination, it has interesting production, commendable song-writing, and is much catchier than "Watcha Think About That" (Missy Elliott saves that song from certain death -- she makes a Katy Perry reference!).
But it probably won't be a single because one of the other Dolls sings vocals on it. OMG. What, do they think we're going to be confused? It's not like we didn't notice Melody, Kim, Jessica, and Ashley awkwardly dancing there. Either that, or Nicole Scherzinger is screwing their manager. Work that casting couch, girlfriend! Put those girls in their place.
On the bright side, when they tour with Britney Spears this year, everyone will like them again because Britney has the midas touch in pop music. If "Bottle Pop" was actually "Bottle Pop (featuring Britney Spears)" it would go to number one world-wide faster than you can avert your daughter's eyes from all the skankiness!
February 8, 2009
Grammy Wrap-Up 2009
RECORD OF THE YEAR:
Record of the year is an "award to the artist and to the producer(s), recording engineer(s) and/or mixer(s), if other than the artist," in case you're wondering. I was tempted to put my favor in support of "Paper Planes," since nobody made cash registers sound as cool as Diplo and Switch did, but on the other hand, I also see Record of the Year as sort of a consolation prize for artists who never had a chance at song of the year, like Leona Lewis. This boggles my mind, as my radio was held hostage by "Bleeding Love" several times in the past twelve months. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant managed to take this won home.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Considering Coldplay's Viva La Vida is the only album from this category that I own, I cannot help but express my disappointment that it did not win.
SONG OF THE YEAR:
I think Coldplay rightly deserved this one for "Viva La Vida." That song is pretty epic, with all those drums and strings and talks of ruling the world. Fun fact: there's a breakfast place in Evanston, Illinois called Clarke's that serves Viva La Blueberry pancakes. They are quite delicious.
BEST NEW ARTIST:
Lady Gaga...not. I don't know how she managed to not get nominated, considering the Jonas Brothers have released three albums already (Grammy Awards have a long history of doing this...remember when they nominated Imogen Heap a couple years ago, even though she released her first album in the late 1990s?).
I really wanted Jazmine Sullivan to win, but I realized that Adele is pretty awesome, too. I would have been happy with either.
BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS:
I never actually listened to the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss record, nor do I plan on it, but seriously, I want to give it to Alicia Keys on this one since she was totally snubbed from the Grammies this year. Usually she basically dominates the Grammies -- and with a song like "No One," she totally should have, even though the song nominated in this category was "Lesson Learned" with John Mayer (major tool).
BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM:
Duffy won, which, although not what I wanted, is totally okay. I think we should give her something. I mean, her voice is kinda nasally, and I actually think Adele has a more pleasant voice, but then I remembered I only have one Adele song on iTunes that was a free download, compared to the $2.97 I spent on various Duffy songs.
BEST DANCE RECORDING:
"Harder Better Faster Stronger" won. No, not Kanye West's "Stronger," this is the actually Daft Punk song. Can I just have a little WTF moment here? That song came out like eight years ago. This was just the live version winning a Grammy....why didn't they give this song the Grammy when it first came out instead of passing over people Lady Gaga or Sam Sparrow ("Black and Gold" is the shit, ya'll). These Grammy people need to be smacked in the face with a Disco stick.
BEST ELECTRONIC/DANCE ALBUM:
Daft Punk wins again for the album, "Alive 2007." It came out towards the end of '07, so it didn't qualify for last year's Grammies, but that doesn't change the fact that
Robyn did not take this one home.
BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY DUO OR GROUP:
Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" wins. Finally, things are going my way again. Is there a Grammy Award for Coolest Song Title of the Bunch, too?
BEST ROCK SONG:
This one went to "Girls in Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen. I basically own every song in this category except the one that won, but you must always, always concede victory to the Boss. 'Tis the law.
BEST ROCK ALBUM:
I didn't get to vote on the Grammies this year because I don't get paid to kiss Chris Martin's ass for a living, but I believe Coldplay deserves this one.
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Radiohead wins, but honestly, I am getting really sick of them (their concert merchandise, on the other hand, is worth every penny). The only thing alternative about this album was how you could pay whatever you wanted for it. Beck, Death Cab, or Gnarls Barkley could have been better.
BEST FEMALE R&B VOCAL PERFORMANCE:
Alicia Keys won for "Superwoman," which would have been fine were superwoman not such a sucky song (does nobody remember "No One?"). My pick was Jazmine Sullivan, as "Need U Bad" is a little bit great.
BEST URBAN/ALTERNATIVE PERFORMANCE
This is such a random category. Anyway, Chrisette Michele (featuring the ubiquitous will.i.am) won for "Be Okay." I don't mind Christette Michele. Can't say a bad thing about her. But I was hoping deep down inside that Janelle Monae might snag a grammy. The crazy ones never win, though, do they.
BEST R&B ALBUM:
J-Hud is pretty awesome. I don't really have anything to say about this other than "Yaaaaaaay J-Hud." But I felt the need to include it in my coverage. Did you know that she's engaged to Punkie from I Love New York 2?
BEST RAP SOLO PERFORMANCE:
Lil Wayne wins for A Milli. I guess I take it back -- the crazy ones do win occasionally. But Lil Wayne is bad crazy, at least on this record (and on his new disaster, "Prom Queen"), as he sounded quite lucid during his Katie Couric interview the other day.
BEST RAP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR A GROUP:
Too bad M.I.A. didn't give birth on stage ("Swagga Like Us," by Jay-Z, T.I. Kanye, and Lil Wayne, which won this category, sampled one her rhymes from "Paper Planes"). That would have been amazing.
BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION:
My thoughts on Estelle winning? I was going to go for "Low," since that chorus is on my mind all the time. Then I realized that you can't really call anything T-Pain does "singing."
BEST RAP ALBUM:
Obviously it was gonna go to Lil Wayne, since he is the only rap album nominated for Album of the Year. But I thought T.I.'s Paper Trail put up a good fight.
Record of the year is an "award to the artist and to the producer(s), recording engineer(s) and/or mixer(s), if other than the artist," in case you're wondering. I was tempted to put my favor in support of "Paper Planes," since nobody made cash registers sound as cool as Diplo and Switch did, but on the other hand, I also see Record of the Year as sort of a consolation prize for artists who never had a chance at song of the year, like Leona Lewis. This boggles my mind, as my radio was held hostage by "Bleeding Love" several times in the past twelve months. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant managed to take this won home.
ALBUM OF THE YEAR:
Considering Coldplay's Viva La Vida is the only album from this category that I own, I cannot help but express my disappointment that it did not win.
SONG OF THE YEAR:
I think Coldplay rightly deserved this one for "Viva La Vida." That song is pretty epic, with all those drums and strings and talks of ruling the world. Fun fact: there's a breakfast place in Evanston, Illinois called Clarke's that serves Viva La Blueberry pancakes. They are quite delicious.
BEST NEW ARTIST:
Lady Gaga...not. I don't know how she managed to not get nominated, considering the Jonas Brothers have released three albums already (Grammy Awards have a long history of doing this...remember when they nominated Imogen Heap a couple years ago, even though she released her first album in the late 1990s?).
I really wanted Jazmine Sullivan to win, but I realized that Adele is pretty awesome, too. I would have been happy with either.
BEST POP COLLABORATION WITH VOCALS:
I never actually listened to the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss record, nor do I plan on it, but seriously, I want to give it to Alicia Keys on this one since she was totally snubbed from the Grammies this year. Usually she basically dominates the Grammies -- and with a song like "No One," she totally should have, even though the song nominated in this category was "Lesson Learned" with John Mayer (major tool).
BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM:
Duffy won, which, although not what I wanted, is totally okay. I think we should give her something. I mean, her voice is kinda nasally, and I actually think Adele has a more pleasant voice, but then I remembered I only have one Adele song on iTunes that was a free download, compared to the $2.97 I spent on various Duffy songs.
BEST DANCE RECORDING:
"Harder Better Faster Stronger" won. No, not Kanye West's "Stronger," this is the actually Daft Punk song. Can I just have a little WTF moment here? That song came out like eight years ago. This was just the live version winning a Grammy....why didn't they give this song the Grammy when it first came out instead of passing over people Lady Gaga or Sam Sparrow ("Black and Gold" is the shit, ya'll). These Grammy people need to be smacked in the face with a Disco stick.
BEST ELECTRONIC/DANCE ALBUM:
Daft Punk wins again for the album, "Alive 2007." It came out towards the end of '07, so it didn't qualify for last year's Grammies, but that doesn't change the fact that
Robyn did not take this one home.
BEST ROCK PERFORMANCE BY DUO OR GROUP:
Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire" wins. Finally, things are going my way again. Is there a Grammy Award for Coolest Song Title of the Bunch, too?
BEST ROCK SONG:
This one went to "Girls in Their Summer Clothes" by Bruce Springsteen. I basically own every song in this category except the one that won, but you must always, always concede victory to the Boss. 'Tis the law.
BEST ROCK ALBUM:
I didn't get to vote on the Grammies this year because I don't get paid to kiss Chris Martin's ass for a living, but I believe Coldplay deserves this one.
BEST ALTERNATIVE MUSIC ALBUM:
Radiohead wins, but honestly, I am getting really sick of them (their concert merchandise, on the other hand, is worth every penny). The only thing alternative about this album was how you could pay whatever you wanted for it. Beck, Death Cab, or Gnarls Barkley could have been better.
BEST FEMALE R&B VOCAL PERFORMANCE:
Alicia Keys won for "Superwoman," which would have been fine were superwoman not such a sucky song (does nobody remember "No One?"). My pick was Jazmine Sullivan, as "Need U Bad" is a little bit great.
BEST URBAN/ALTERNATIVE PERFORMANCE
This is such a random category. Anyway, Chrisette Michele (featuring the ubiquitous will.i.am) won for "Be Okay." I don't mind Christette Michele. Can't say a bad thing about her. But I was hoping deep down inside that Janelle Monae might snag a grammy. The crazy ones never win, though, do they.
BEST R&B ALBUM:
J-Hud is pretty awesome. I don't really have anything to say about this other than "Yaaaaaaay J-Hud." But I felt the need to include it in my coverage. Did you know that she's engaged to Punkie from I Love New York 2?
BEST RAP SOLO PERFORMANCE:
Lil Wayne wins for A Milli. I guess I take it back -- the crazy ones do win occasionally. But Lil Wayne is bad crazy, at least on this record (and on his new disaster, "Prom Queen"), as he sounded quite lucid during his Katie Couric interview the other day.
BEST RAP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR A GROUP:
Too bad M.I.A. didn't give birth on stage ("Swagga Like Us," by Jay-Z, T.I. Kanye, and Lil Wayne, which won this category, sampled one her rhymes from "Paper Planes"). That would have been amazing.
BEST RAP/SUNG COLLABORATION:
My thoughts on Estelle winning? I was going to go for "Low," since that chorus is on my mind all the time. Then I realized that you can't really call anything T-Pain does "singing."
BEST RAP ALBUM:
Obviously it was gonna go to Lil Wayne, since he is the only rap album nominated for Album of the Year. But I thought T.I.'s Paper Trail put up a good fight.
February 2, 2009
My New Favorite Holiday
Today is a glorious day. While Punxsutawney Phil noticed his shadow today, putting us all in store for another six weeks of winter, Lady Gaga also decided to treat us with a new music video. "Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" is the third Australian single after "Just Dance" and "Poker Face," but it is technically video #4 for our little video vixen (you can't forget about "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich!").
Despite what our little groundhog friend has to say about things, "Eh, Eh" is quite a summery song. One might even call it a "jam." Actually, now that I think about, Australia has summer during our winter, so scratch all of what I just said. Fool! How could I forget that Lady Gaga is an all-knowing genius?
Anyway, there's no hand-clapping, foot-pounding, cat-suit-wearing, binge-drinking, clubbing, or any variation or combination of the above in this video, which makes it a little bit different from her past two singles. She also has a new hair-style (WOAH). Normally, these could be good things, but my overall appreciation for this video is diminished by the fact that she breaks out her best "Rock of Love" contestant stripper dance right around the half-way mark.
This video isn't going to do anything for those X-tina comparisons either, after all, "Can't Hold Us Down" also featured pop star posses patrolling the streets of New York in skimpy summer outfits, and did I mention the trashy stripper dance already? (Can I also just add that I absolutely love Lil' Kim's part in the "Can't Hold Us Down" a video? I bet she walks around wearing things like that in real life. Just like Gaga).
On the other hand, X-tina doesn't sleep in hot pink stiletto heels. I don't think Gaga does either, but at least she has the guts to pretend. X-tina would also never try something as clever as including a cameo of the same ginormous guard dogs Gaga used in the "Poker Face" video. You see, ladies and gentlemen, Lady Gaga is all about subtleties. Hah. Not. She is the most over-the-top, un-subtle person I know. But that's why we love her. I'm sure deep down inside, there is a bit of Gaga in all of us.
Gaga also shot a video for "LoveGame," the next U.S. single, around the same time. Last time we checked, she was wearing fishnet tights, a leather jacket, and chain-mail panties. I expect great things.
Despite what our little groundhog friend has to say about things, "Eh, Eh" is quite a summery song. One might even call it a "jam." Actually, now that I think about, Australia has summer during our winter, so scratch all of what I just said. Fool! How could I forget that Lady Gaga is an all-knowing genius?
Anyway, there's no hand-clapping, foot-pounding, cat-suit-wearing, binge-drinking, clubbing, or any variation or combination of the above in this video, which makes it a little bit different from her past two singles. She also has a new hair-style (WOAH). Normally, these could be good things, but my overall appreciation for this video is diminished by the fact that she breaks out her best "Rock of Love" contestant stripper dance right around the half-way mark.
This video isn't going to do anything for those X-tina comparisons either, after all, "Can't Hold Us Down" also featured pop star posses patrolling the streets of New York in skimpy summer outfits, and did I mention the trashy stripper dance already? (Can I also just add that I absolutely love Lil' Kim's part in the "Can't Hold Us Down" a video? I bet she walks around wearing things like that in real life. Just like Gaga).
On the other hand, X-tina doesn't sleep in hot pink stiletto heels. I don't think Gaga does either, but at least she has the guts to pretend. X-tina would also never try something as clever as including a cameo of the same ginormous guard dogs Gaga used in the "Poker Face" video. You see, ladies and gentlemen, Lady Gaga is all about subtleties. Hah. Not. She is the most over-the-top, un-subtle person I know. But that's why we love her. I'm sure deep down inside, there is a bit of Gaga in all of us.
Gaga also shot a video for "LoveGame," the next U.S. single, around the same time. Last time we checked, she was wearing fishnet tights, a leather jacket, and chain-mail panties. I expect great things.
January 31, 2009
Change You Can Believe In!
I am filled with hope, and this has nothing to do with the fact that I am catching up on a month's worth of This American Life Episodes and just finished the Inauguration Show one. Yes, Barack Obama is pretty cool. But more importantly, Keri Hilson might actually have a hit on her hands.
You don't think you know her, but you actually do. She's that lady on Timbaland's grammatically-incorrect "The Way I Are," and Keri Hilson is totally okay with reminding people that the song really is the only reason people might have an interest in her: her video for "Return the Favor," actually begins with a clip of "The Way I Are" that song to jolt the memory of unsuspecting R&B fans.
Anyways, the big deal is that her song "Turnin' Me On" is actually in the Top 40 of the billboard charts. What's annoying is that she had to prostitute her music by getting Lil' Wayne to jump on the track and drop an auto-tuned verse comparing female anatomy to carnivorous aquatic creatures. This is where I would make a joke about that movie "Teeth," but I won't. You're welcome.
"Turnin' Me On" is the third video she's released in support of her album, In A Perfect World. The problem is, her album hasn't come out yet.
Are you having deja vu as well? Because this reminds me of what happened to lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger (hey, it's easier than "Blagojevich"), who also tried to go solo by doing exactly what she did before, minus the five other back-up dancers that make up the rest of the band. Scherzy made it to four forgettable singles on iTunes before she coughed up a press release explaining how she had a change of heart and how dropping her solo album to focus on PCD's sophomore effort, Doll Domination, was of her own volition.
I wonder how many A&R reps it took to make Nicole Scherzinger swallow her pride.
I am worried that Keri Hilson is headed down that path. There's a big difference, though: Scherzy's singles basically all sucked. "Whatever U Like" was the only one that had promise, but it turned out to be a total rip-off of Kelis's "Blindfold Me" from 2006's Kelis Was Here. Fool! Nobody does it better than Kelis. And what is with these rap producers making identical beats? Where is the creativity?. Polow Da Don, the producer responsible for those two songs, also made the beat for "Turnin' Me On," so maybe he's not all bad.
But anyways, the rest of Scherzy's singles -- Baby Love, Supervillain, and Puakenikeni (Akon gets her in touch with her Hawaiian roots, in case you're wondering) -- are complete and total wastes of megabytes.
Keri has the goods, though. First of all, she's been a songwriter for some odd number of years, and is responsible for one of the greatest pop songs of the millenium, Britney Spears's "Gimme More," which makes her a winner in my book.
Second, her three singles could take down Nicole Scherzinger's entire catalogue any day of the week. Blindfolded, too. Take a look for yourself:
RETURN THE FAVOR (featuring Timbaland -- of course!):
ENERGY:
TURNIN' ME ON (featuring Lil' Wayne):
I have to say, though -- the parts where Keri's in the pink dress in the "Return The Favor" video look nearly identical to Rihanna's own pink-dress moments in "S.O.S." Gosh, I have such a good eye for these things. At least she didn't copy a Pussycat, though.
You don't think you know her, but you actually do. She's that lady on Timbaland's grammatically-incorrect "The Way I Are," and Keri Hilson is totally okay with reminding people that the song really is the only reason people might have an interest in her: her video for "Return the Favor," actually begins with a clip of "The Way I Are" that song to jolt the memory of unsuspecting R&B fans.
Anyways, the big deal is that her song "Turnin' Me On" is actually in the Top 40 of the billboard charts. What's annoying is that she had to prostitute her music by getting Lil' Wayne to jump on the track and drop an auto-tuned verse comparing female anatomy to carnivorous aquatic creatures. This is where I would make a joke about that movie "Teeth," but I won't. You're welcome.
"Turnin' Me On" is the third video she's released in support of her album, In A Perfect World. The problem is, her album hasn't come out yet.
Are you having deja vu as well? Because this reminds me of what happened to lead Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger (hey, it's easier than "Blagojevich"), who also tried to go solo by doing exactly what she did before, minus the five other back-up dancers that make up the rest of the band. Scherzy made it to four forgettable singles on iTunes before she coughed up a press release explaining how she had a change of heart and how dropping her solo album to focus on PCD's sophomore effort, Doll Domination, was of her own volition.
I wonder how many A&R reps it took to make Nicole Scherzinger swallow her pride.
I am worried that Keri Hilson is headed down that path. There's a big difference, though: Scherzy's singles basically all sucked. "Whatever U Like" was the only one that had promise, but it turned out to be a total rip-off of Kelis's "Blindfold Me" from 2006's Kelis Was Here. Fool! Nobody does it better than Kelis. And what is with these rap producers making identical beats? Where is the creativity?. Polow Da Don, the producer responsible for those two songs, also made the beat for "Turnin' Me On," so maybe he's not all bad.
But anyways, the rest of Scherzy's singles -- Baby Love, Supervillain, and Puakenikeni (Akon gets her in touch with her Hawaiian roots, in case you're wondering) -- are complete and total wastes of megabytes.
Keri has the goods, though. First of all, she's been a songwriter for some odd number of years, and is responsible for one of the greatest pop songs of the millenium, Britney Spears's "Gimme More," which makes her a winner in my book.
Second, her three singles could take down Nicole Scherzinger's entire catalogue any day of the week. Blindfolded, too. Take a look for yourself:
RETURN THE FAVOR (featuring Timbaland -- of course!):
ENERGY:
TURNIN' ME ON (featuring Lil' Wayne):
I have to say, though -- the parts where Keri's in the pink dress in the "Return The Favor" video look nearly identical to Rihanna's own pink-dress moments in "S.O.S." Gosh, I have such a good eye for these things. At least she didn't copy a Pussycat, though.
January 23, 2009
Out of This World
I might as well just call this blog What Would Sasha Fierce Do? because everything I seem to write comes back to her.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
Sasha Fierce has been out-fierced twice in the past week. First by Lady Gaga's crack cocaine outfit (and her latest fashion choice, the plastic boob shield), and now by the Killers' frontman Brandon Flowers, whose Power Rangers: Bird Flu outfit in the new video for Spaceman put all the single ladies to shame.
Sasha needs to a release a new video for something (I recommend "Radio"), because right now, the only things she has going for are the fact that Obama's youngest daughter is named Sasha, and perhaps this video right here. Sasha Fierce would give her left leg to be a member of the Obama family, although I don't know if the world could handle the creation of Sasha Fierce Obama. That'd be like nuclear fusion technology -- dangerously high temperatures, unstable ingredients, increased entropy, and only about four pounds of hot helium air as a waste product.
I'm going to try really hard to stop talking about Sasha Fierce right now by showing some blog love to Flowers and his guy-liner-fancying crew. It takes some serious guts to do Bowie-inspired cinema when most of the people listening to you won't get the Bowie reference until after a pretentious hipster goes, "That's so Bowie," and the rest suddenly see the connection like they knew it all along. Anyways, the Killers need to feel important every once in awhile, because, even though the second season of The O.C. would never be the same without "Smile Like You Mean It," they get a lot of undeserved criticism. Their first album, 2005's Hot Fuss, struck many critics' and listeners' fancies but got flack for being perhaps too inspired by various 80s bands. Sam's Town, the quartet's 2007 sophomore effort, faced even harsher criticism with Rolling Stone's two-star rating and inevitable comparisons to that Bruce Springsteen song "Born to Run." Although nobody seems to mind that Sasha Fierce's "Diva" is basically the exact same song as Lil' Wayne's "A Milli." Damn it! I talked about Sasha again. I should just start a money jar and put a dollar in every time I talk about her.
So as I was saying, even though the Killers haven't reinvented the wheel as they kept the tradition of their favorite 80s bands alive, they've always had some solid songs, and more and more people have been coming out of the Killers closet since Vampire Weekend openly expressed their love for the anthemic songs of Sam's Town. There are plenty of moments on Day & Age where a song's potential is aurally apparent, like the second verse of first single "Human," the blinky chorus on "Losing Touch," and even those stuttering synthesizers on "Spaceman."
The band's sound was a little more all-over-the-map on Day & Age, though. Flowers told Rolling Stone that Day & Age was like looking at Sam's Town from outer space, and while songs like "Human" sonically could be in a space-age dance party alongside a Madonna remix album (actually, Stuart Price, who produced the album, also did most of the work on Madge's Confessions on A Dancefloor disc), tracks like "Joy Ride" and the stripped-down (relative to the Killers, at least) "I Can't Stay" bring the band right back down to earth back to the sleazy Vegas Hawaiian-shirt hotel cocktail lounge from which they came.
I'm going to continue to hide out in that sleazy cocktail lounge with Brandon and company because it's the only place I'm safe from Sasha Fierce. She would just poof right out of her boots from all the sub-fabulous people in her presence. They'd use up her oxygen.
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